Episode
DL Ep. 23: David Yeager on Parenting Teens: What the Adolescent Brain Really Needs
- Podcast
- Dharma Lab
- Published
- Jan 27, 2026
- Duration seconds
- 3535
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Summary
Parenting teens is hard. We often fall into styles that feel protective but end up making things worse. In our latest Dharma Lab episode, Dr. David Yeager , a leading researcher on adolescent motivation and author of 10 to 25 , talks with Richie and Cort about why this happens and how to change it. We also explore the neuroscience of adolescent brains, and how the parenting strategies discussed can mirror how we relate to our own inner experience. Key concepts from the episode: * Most parents default to one of two styles (and not the one we need to start embracing more called the “mentor”) * Enforcer : high demands, low support (“toughen up,” “no excuses”) * Protector : high empathy, low expectations (removing challenges to avoid distress)Both come from love, and both can unintentionally shut teens down. * What teens are actually wired to need Adolescents are especially driven by pride, dignity, and respect…and deeply averse to humiliation or shame. When they feel talked down to, they stop listening. * Why this stage is uniquely hard right now Puberty is starting earlier than ever, while the brain systems that support emotional regulation won’t fully mature until the mid-20s. This widening gap makes misfires more likely for teens and parents. * The problem with “grownsplaining” When adults assume their experience makes them the unquestioned expert, teens hear disrespect; even when advice is well-intentioned. That dynamic fuels resistance rather than growth. * The mentor mindset offers a different path High standards with real support. Less lecturing, more curiosity. Asking questions instead of delivering answers. Allowing discomfort without removing expectations. * Discomfort isn’t always a sign something is wrong Anxiety, frustration, and even tears can mean a young p…