Episode
How to Come Out After Your Therapist Decides That You're Not Gay
- Podcast
- The Nuance Diaries
- Published
- Jun 28, 2026
- Duration seconds
- 1088
- Processing state
not_requested
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Summary
READ/LISTEN ON SUBSTACK (and subscribe while you're there!) "I bet your feelings for her will go away as soon as the play ends. You’re probably not actually gay." The first time I wondered if I might like women, I was playing Hermia opposite a girl playing Lysander (traditionally played by a man) in Shakespeare’s A Midsummer Night’s Dream . For the first time in my 21 years, I was questioning my heterosexuality. The circumstances are both poetic yet unremarkable, having my first crush on a girl playing my love interest in the theater department at a liberal arts school. Up until then, I had always been a fierce LGBTQ+ ally, but had never once considered that I might be a part of the community myself. I grew up at the intersection of conservatism and liberalism; a Native New Yorker raised in a religious household on 20th and 1st. I started attending Sunday School as a toddler, and was teaching it myself before I entered middle school. And yet, my family thankfully does not share the same conservative beliefs that so many churches do. I first learned about same-sex couples as a toddler while driving around downtown with my mom. While waiting in traffic, we intercepted the Pride parade. I asked my mom why two men were kissing. She said something along the lines of “people kiss when they’re in love.” Until then, it hadn’t registered to me that Barbie could love Barbie, and Ken could love Ken. It immediately made sense. It wasn’t a big event. Just a fact. And it still is. Love is love. Ironically, I don’t remember much about my first impression of the girl playing Lysander. I do remember thinking that she was funny in an irreverent way. A little elusive. Definitely disarming. There was something unique about her. I wanted her to like me, and it went beyond wanting to work w…