Episode
How I Found My Broken Hallelujah pt. 2 of 4
- Podcast
- The Nuance Diaries
- Published
- Mar 18, 2026
- Duration seconds
- 535
- Processing state
not_requested
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Summary
If you haven’t listened Part 1 yet, go ahead and do that first, HERE . ______________________________ While my memories from the night of the panic attack are sparse, the ones from the following morning are vividly clear. I woke up thinking I had Covid. I felt like I had been hit by a truck ten times over in my sleep. I tried to shake it off and get ready for work, but my body made it very clear that that wasn’t going to happen. Calling in sick felt humiliating and unprofessional (although it is neither of those things, and I would never make anyone else feel that way). But I did it. I relayed detailed notes for an important delivery that afternoon. I profusely apologized. I hung up the phone. Before going back to sleep, I stumbled to the kitchen to grab some water. Why I didn’t go to the bathroom like I often do, I don’t know. That day, my feet carried me to the kitchen. I thought about making coffee and then decided against it. I saw the dishes in my sink and decided to wash some. For what reason, I don’t know. While sorting through the sink to discern which dishes would go in the dishwasher and which would be hand-washed, I came across one of my favorite mugs. And I broke it. I somehow broke my mug while pulling it out of the sink. My perfect, “pretty girl avenue”, gorgeous glass mug with a bronze/gold Barbie dream house on the front, and a pink handle. The mug I drank out of nearly every day from my waterfront patio when I lived in San Diego. Broken. Gone. I love my mugs. They’re the first thing I unpacked in both my New York and San Diego apartments. I dream of displaying them on a big, elaborate shelf one day. I should have been devastated that this mug was broken. But I wasn’t, I was too tired to be devastated. I haphazardly placed the broken pieces of the mug o…