Episode
Falling in Love: Do the 36 Questions Actually Work?
- Published
- Feb 9, 2026
- Duration seconds
- 3601
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Summary
Can a list of questions really make two strangers fall in love? In 2015, a viral New York Times Modern Love column claimed psychologists had discovered a formula for love: 36 increasingly personal questions, plus four minutes of eye contact. Millions of people tried it. There was even an app. But when we followed the citation trail back to the science, the story started to unravel. In this episode, we crack open the 1997 study behind the “36 Questions,” unearth a forgotten pilot study with a different (and sexier) protocol, and track down the real origin of the eye-gazing task. Along the way, we break down why control groups matter, why scale midpoints mislead, and why group averages aren’t people. We also try the questions on each other—purely for science, of course—and ask the nerdiest Valentine’s Day question of all: can a list of questions really make anyone fall in love? Statistical topics Control groups Correlated observations Group averages vs individual inference Pilot studies Reference distributions Scale interpretation Units of observation Methodological morals “Before you repeat a scientific claim, follow it back to the original study and read it carefully.” “You can slice the data into subgroups all you want, but that doesn't magically give you a control group. It gives you meaningless results.” Our version of the “40 Questions” app! References Aron, A., Aron, E.N., Melinat, E. and Vallone, R., 1991. Experimentally induced closeness, ego identity, and the opportunity to say no. In Conference of the International Network on Personal Relationships, Normal, IL . Aron, A., Melinat, E., Aron, E.N., Vallone, R.D. and Bator, R.J., 1997. The experimental generation of interpersonal closeness: A procedure and some preliminary findings. Personality and social psychol…