Episode
86. What You Actually Have Control Over
- Published
- Apr 7, 2026
- Duration seconds
- 785
- Processing state
not_requested- Canonical source
- https://www.theschoolofmom.com
Actions
POST https://stenobird.com/v1/public/podcasts/mothering-ourselves-mindfully-7036456/episodes/86-what-you-actually-have-control-over/transcription-requests
Idempotently request low-priority transcript generation for this episode.GET https://stenobird.com/podcast/mothering-ourselves-mindfully-7036456/86-what-you-actually-have-control-over.md
Read the agent-friendly Markdown representation of this episode resource.
Summary
In today’s episode, I'm calling out one of the most repeated lines in coaching and personal development, and offering you something that's actually true instead. Spoiler: you have more control than you think - it's just not where you've been told to look for it. Key Points Why somatic work moves the needle in ways talk therapy can't — I spent years as a therapist talking through problems with women. Insight is valuable — but it's limited. When I discovered what was possible through body-based work, it changed everything. 90–95% of our experience is driven by unconscious programming living in our nervous system, and you simply can't talk your way out of that. What actually happens in a somatic session — Whether a client is brand new to this work or has been doing it for years, the experience is consistently the same: I can't believe what just came through. The body holds wisdom, intuition, and real-time healing that the mind can't access alone. Calling out the line everyone repeats — "The only thing you can control is your reaction." It's everywhere in coaching culture. And it's not quite true. If your unconscious nervous system is running the show — and for most of us, it is — you don't actually have control over your reactions in the moment. Telling yourself you should is just adding shame to the pile. The truth about control — You have very limited control over your in-the-moment reaction, especially when you're tired, triggered, or dysregulated. But you do have real, meaningful control over something: the support you choose, the practices you commit to, and the nervous system work you do in advance of those moments. That's the real lever. What the Flourished Mother actually looks like — She's not always calm. She's not always grounded. She feels the full spectrum of…