Episode
#34 Teaching Kids Self-Trust in a Manipulative World | With Dr Naaila Chagani
- Podcast
- How To Deal
- Published
- Aug 15, 2026
- Duration seconds
- 1544
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Summary
In this episode, Eli sits down with Dr. Naaila Chagani (Hudani), a child development specialist with a PhD from Tufts University, to explore the concept of "heart safety" — teaching children that their inner emotional world belongs to them and cannot be rearranged by someone else. Drawing from both personal lived experience as a bonus mom and rigorous research, Dr. Naaila shares a compassionate, nuanced framework for helping kids recognize emotionally manipulative behaviors, trust their own instincts, and stay safe — without having to sever love from protection. Key Takeaways Heart safety is as important as body safety. Just as we teach kids "your body belongs to you," we need to teach them their inner world — feelings, perceptions, sense of self — belongs to them too. Manipulation exists on a spectrum. From a tired parent saying "you're fine" to genuinely harmful conditional love — many behaviors, unintentionally or not, ask a child to ignore what they feel. Fear and discernment are opposites. A frightened child freezes or fawns. A discerning child notices something feels off and trusts that noticing. That trust is the goal. Children turn confusion inward as self-blame. When something feels off but no one names it, kids often conclude they did something wrong — a wound that follows them into adulthood. The DARVO pattern (Deny, Attack, Reverse Victim & Offender) is used by highly manipulative people, and it's important for kids to know they may not always be safe to speak up directly. Don't label the other parent — name the behavior's impact. Help children notice what doesn't feel good without putting the burden of intent analysis on them. The loyalty bind is real. Children in high-conflict co-parenting situations often gravitate toward the more manipulative parent…