Episode
EFR 921: Why You People-Please: Understanding the Fawning Trauma Response (Toxic Hope vs Reality) with Dr. Ingrid Clayton
- Published
- Jan 26, 2026
- Duration seconds
- 4245
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Summary
This episode is brought to you by LMNT , Audible and Strong Coffee Company. You've probably heard of the trauma responses fight, flight, and freeze — but there's a fourth response that may be shaping your life without you even realizing it: fawning . In this episode, we sit down with Dr. Ingrid Clayton, PhD a clinical psychologist, trauma therapist, and author of Fawning , to understand why people-pleasing, over-accommodating, and self-abandonment are not personality flaws — they're intelligent survival responses your nervous system learned to keep you safe. You'll learn how fawning develops when fight, flight, or freeze aren't available — especially in childhood, unequal power dynamics, toxic relationships, and work environments where your safety or stability feels at risk. You'll also discover how living in a chronic fawn response can quietly disconnect you from your needs, your voice, your body, and your sense of self. This conversation helps you recognize why "just setting boundaries" often feels impossible, why you may disappear in relationships, and why choosing yourself can feel terrifying even when you know something needs to change. Most importantly, you'll hear why none of this means something is wrong with you — you make sense . If you've been stuck in survival mode, waiting for permission, approval, or safety outside yourself, this episode will help you understand what's been happening beneath the surface — and how you can begin moving forward by reconnecting with who you truly are. Follow Ingrid @ingridclaytonphd Follow Chase @chase_chewning ----- 00:00 – Introducing the "Fourth F": What Is Fawning? 02:16 – Why Fawning Is Not a Conscious Choice 03:40 – Power, Safety, and Why Fight or Flight Aren't Always Options 07:43 – Living in Chronic Survival Mode 09:2…