Episode
I Had Been Waiting For Something My Whole Life
- Published
- Apr 17, 2026
- Duration seconds
- 1636
- Processing state
not_requested- Canonical source
- https://annemariezanzal.com/coming-out-stories-beyond-podcast/
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Summary
In this week's episode of Coming Out & Beyond , Anne-Marie traces the winding, decade-long road that led her from a single paragraph in an Oprah magazine to finally saying the words out loud — and finding the woman who would become her wife along the way. She begins in 2006, when an article about women who had left marriages with men to be with women cracked something open in her — a joy she couldn't explain and quietly tucked away. She walks listeners through every moment she tried to surface that truth: a therapist who made her feel like she'd failed a litmus test, a marriage counselor who chalked it up to a difficult relationship with her mother, and the years of silence in between. Then comes the patient — a small, fierce woman from Connecticut who signed her own hospice paperwork and told Anne-Marie she thought she'd been waiting for something her whole life. In that moment, something irreversible shifted. She shares the four words she typed into Google — late in life lesbian — and what happened next: an online community, a Facebook group with 180 members, and a woman named Tonda McKay from Nashville who put her in the friend zone and then slowly, over the next year, became the love of her life. Anne-Marie weaves in the music that accompanied all of it — Mary Lambert's "She Keeps Me Warm" and Macklemore's "Same Love" — songs she had cried at for years without fully understanding why. She reflects on what it means to carry a verdict you never agreed to, to mistake recognition for compassion, and to discover that orientation doesn't wait to be confirmed. It was already there, in every song that broke her open, long before she gave herself permission to know it. This episode closes with an invitation: you don't have to figure this out alone. Anne-Marie did that f…