Episode
18. Mental Load: 'Do We Have Parmesan Cheese?' He Was Standing at the Fridge. I Was Interstate
- Podcast
- ADHD Mums
- Published
- Jul 22, 2026
- Duration seconds
- 1644
- Processing state
not_requested- Canonical source
- https://adhdmums.com.au/captivate/adhd-invisible-load
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Summary
The mental load is the thing you couldn't name for years — the invisible mental load that means one adult in the house knows when library day is and one adult keeps asking. The one who anticipates, identifies, decides, and monitors, and the one who stands next to the dishwasher and shouts through to the lounge room to ask if it's clean. You've known the pattern for years. You've done the therapy. You've read the book. You've made the 1.2-metre colour-coded family planner. And he still texts you from home, from within arm's reach of the fridge, to ask about the Parmesan. This week the ADHD Mums Facebook group broke open. So many messages, voice notes, and 4am DMs from women hiding in their own ensuites that Jane's had to split it into three episodes. This is Part 1 — the Admin Husband. Part 2 is the Gold Medal Husband next week. Part 3 is coming. CHAPTERS 00:00 — The Facebook post that broke the internet 00:27 — Lisa. 4am. From inside her own ensuite. Husband asleep in the next room. 01:23 — Please stop asking us what time school pickup is 02:03 — Renee: 'I made the calendar. I bought the calendar. I put it up. I synced it to your phone.' 03:32 — Do men use Siri? A serious question. 04:59 — The 1.2-metre colour-coded family planner he walks past every single day 06:47 — He texts her the address of the program she set up, booked, paid for and drives to every week 09:26 — Parmesan. He's at the fridge. She's in Adelaide. 10:55 — The T-shirt drawer that hasn't moved in three years 12:20 — The 36-minute toilet holiday, and what he's actually doing in there 14:18 — Alison Daminger's four stages of the mental load — and which one he only turns up for 16:35 — Affordance perception: he isn't ignoring the crumbs. He genuinely can't see them. 19:16 — Same-sex couples don't do this…