{"podcast":{"title":"The Partnership Podcast","slug":"the-partnership-podcast-6297702","podcast_index_feed_id":6297702,"rss_url":"https://anchor.fm/s/7f527158/podcast/rss","website_url":"https://sexedforyou.com/podcasts/partnershippod","image_url":"https://d3t3ozftmdmh3i.cloudfront.net/staging/podcast_uploaded_nologo/21261094/21261094-1739196903483-10ae2d4eee2ad.jpg","author":"Lauren and Trey","episode_count":168,"summary":"Trey and Lauren met on an online dating app in 2019 and have chosen partnership (almost) every day since. This podcast takes you behind the scenes of their relationship and is committed to sharing both their successes and failures so that you can learn from their experiences and cultivate the relationships of your dreams.","last_synced_at":"2026-06-30T00:17:11.071937+00:00","page_url":"https://stenobird.com/podcast/the-partnership-podcast-6297702"},"episode":{"title":"Why It’s Harder to \"F*ck\" Your Spouse (and How to Fix It)","slug":"why-it-s-harder-to-f-ck-your-spouse-and-how-to-fix-it","published_at":"2026-05-04T11:00:00+00:00","page_url":"https://stenobird.com/podcast/the-partnership-podcast-6297702/why-it-s-harder-to-f-ck-your-spouse-and-how-to-fix-it","show_page_url":"https://stenobird.com/podcast/the-partnership-podcast-6297702","url":"https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/thepartnershippodcast/episodes/Why-Its-Harder-to-Fck-Your-Spouse-and-How-to-Fix-It-e3hrl3i","audio_url":"https://anchor.fm/s/7f527158/podcast/play/118395442/https%3A%2F%2Fd3ctxlq1ktw2nl.cloudfront.net%2Fstaging%2F2026-3-13%2F421991475-44100-2-b4f39c80267fb.mp3","summary":"In this episode of The Partnership Podcast , Lauren and Trey dive deep into a topic that often gets "cleaned up" or ignored in long-term relationships: the difference between standard intercourse and the raw, self-focused act of f*cking . Inspired by David Schnarch’s book, Intimacy and Desire , they explore why the hardest person to "f*ck" is often the person you love the most and why reclaiming that "take" energy is vital for a thriving relationship. Lauren and Trey break down the mechanics of pleasure through the lens of the "Take" quadrant: Defining the "Take": Taking is the healthy pursuit of your own pleasure within the boundaries and consent of the giver. The Celebration of Desire: Instead of getting what you want in roundabout ways, taking is about explicitly asking for your desires and having them celebrated by your partner. Penetrative Intercourse as a Tool: They discuss how thrusting can be a beautiful example of taking, where one partner does the action for their pleasure while the other is in "allowing". A common question in Lauren’s work is why casual sex often feels more titillating than sex with a spouse. In long-term partnerships, we become highly invested in the other’s wellbeing. When you are worried about your partner's sleep, health, or ego, it becomes difficult to be "self-focused" or "devouring". Schnarch argues that in casual sex, we are more self-defined because the other person’s life is not our domain. Lauren explains the biological "yuck" that occurs when one partner falls into a caretaking or mothering role, which naturally kills sexual attraction. Reclaiming fire in a seven-year (or seventy-year) marriage requires differentiation and individuation . To…","meta_description":"In this episode of The Partnership Podcast , Lauren and Trey dive deep into a topic that often gets \"cleaned up\" or ignored in long-term relatio…","key_points":[],"chapters":[],"topics":[],"duration_seconds":1703,"processing_state":"not_requested","actions":[{"name":"request_transcript","method":"POST","url":"https://stenobird.com/v1/public/podcasts/the-partnership-podcast-6297702/episodes/why-it-s-harder-to-f-ck-your-spouse-and-how-to-fix-it/transcription-requests","description":"Idempotently request low-priority transcript generation for this episode."},{"name":"read_markdown","method":"GET","url":"https://stenobird.com/podcast/the-partnership-podcast-6297702/why-it-s-harder-to-f-ck-your-spouse-and-how-to-fix-it.md","description":"Read the agent-friendly Markdown representation of this episode resource."}]}}