{"podcast":{"title":"If You're Driving, Close Your Eyes","slug":"if-you-re-driving-close-your-eyes-5734633","podcast_index_feed_id":5734633,"rss_url":"https://feeds.acast.com/public/shows/6338983c88c51f0012371fdc","website_url":"https://shows.acast.com/eyes","image_url":"https://assets.pippa.io/shows/6338983c88c51f0012371fdc/1666330465616-950eb33974233fdf9629f24594d85039.jpeg","author":"If You're Driving, Close Your Eyes","episode_count":185,"summary":"Welcome to If You're Driving, Close Your Eyes, a podcast about navigating the cruelty chaos, and wonder of our terrifying world. Niki, John, LB— and our producer Jordo— try to find meaning and clarity one or twelve subjects at a time: from the menu at Cheesecake Factory to a human man dressed up as Snoopy tucking you into bed. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.","last_synced_at":null,"page_url":"https://stenobird.com/podcast/if-you-re-driving-close-your-eyes-5734633"},"episode":{"title":"Why Aren’t I the Limbo Queen?","slug":"why-aren-t-i-the-limbo-queen","published_at":"2026-01-26T08:00:00+00:00","page_url":"https://stenobird.com/podcast/if-you-re-driving-close-your-eyes-5734633/why-aren-t-i-the-limbo-queen","show_page_url":"https://stenobird.com/podcast/if-you-re-driving-close-your-eyes-5734633","url":"https://www.patreon.com/ifyouredriving","audio_url":"https://sphinx.acast.com/p/open/s/6338983c88c51f0012371fdc/e/697411199252830699e756e7/media.mp3","summary":"With Niki aboard the International Space Station for health reasons, merritt and John hold down the fort by discussing their plan for handling legal retaliation from Mickey Rourke, the current state of the MMCU (Malcom in the Middle Cinematic Universe), bringing Jimmy Stewart \"back,\" animated fates worse than death, the 2008 film Jumper , and against the recommendations of our attorney, somehow even more. Welcome to If You're Driving, Close Your Eyes , a listener-supported comedy podcast where three noble explorers chip away at the crumbling foundations of reality, five or six simultaneous topics at a time. Hosted by Niki Grayson , merritt k and John Warren , and produced by Jordan Mallory , with music by Jordan and art by Max Schwartz . Follow us on Bluesky: https://bsky.app/profile/ifyouredriving.bsky.social Support us on Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/ifyouredriving Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.","meta_description":"With Niki aboard the International Space Station for health reasons, merritt and John hold down the fort by discussing their plan for handling legal retal…","key_points":[],"chapters":[],"topics":[],"duration_seconds":3255,"processing_state":"not_requested","actions":[{"name":"request_transcript","method":"POST","url":"https://stenobird.com/v1/public/podcasts/if-you-re-driving-close-your-eyes-5734633/episodes/why-aren-t-i-the-limbo-queen/transcription-requests","description":"Idempotently request low-priority transcript generation for this episode."},{"name":"read_markdown","method":"GET","url":"https://stenobird.com/podcast/if-you-re-driving-close-your-eyes-5734633/why-aren-t-i-the-limbo-queen.md","description":"Read the agent-friendly Markdown representation of this episode resource."}]}}