{"podcast":{"title":"If You're Driving, Close Your Eyes","slug":"if-you-re-driving-close-your-eyes-5734633","podcast_index_feed_id":5734633,"rss_url":"https://feeds.acast.com/public/shows/6338983c88c51f0012371fdc","website_url":"https://shows.acast.com/eyes","image_url":"https://assets.pippa.io/shows/6338983c88c51f0012371fdc/1666330465616-950eb33974233fdf9629f24594d85039.jpeg","author":"If You're Driving, Close Your Eyes","episode_count":185,"summary":"Welcome to If You're Driving, Close Your Eyes, a podcast about navigating the cruelty chaos, and wonder of our terrifying world. Niki, John, LB— and our producer Jordo— try to find meaning and clarity one or twelve subjects at a time: from the menu at Cheesecake Factory to a human man dressed up as Snoopy tucking you into bed. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.","last_synced_at":null,"page_url":"https://stenobird.com/podcast/if-you-re-driving-close-your-eyes-5734633"},"episode":{"title":"Pastor Princess","slug":"pastor-princess","published_at":"2026-05-11T07:00:00+00:00","page_url":"https://stenobird.com/podcast/if-you-re-driving-close-your-eyes-5734633/pastor-princess","show_page_url":"https://stenobird.com/podcast/if-you-re-driving-close-your-eyes-5734633","url":"https://www.patreon.com/ifyouredriving","audio_url":"https://sphinx.acast.com/p/open/s/6338983c88c51f0012371fdc/e/69fe6c37385e8d5e30018c6d/media.mp3","summary":"John, Niki and merritt assess the 2026 Met Gala in real time, providing up-to-the-minute details and analysis of all the freaks in their weird getups, in addition to discussing related topics such as future Met Gala theme ideas, the surgery that makes you Korean, what constitutes a helmet, Eli Lilly's iron grasp on your grandma, defunct social media networks, and gang? Somehow even more. Welcome to If You're Driving, Close Your Eyes , a listener-supported comedy podcast where three noble explorers chip away at the crumbling foundations of reality, five or six simultaneous topics at a time. Hosted by Niki Grayson , merritt k and John Warren , and produced by Jordan Mallory , with music by Jordan and art by Max Schwartz . Follow us on Bluesky: https://bsky.app/profile/ifyouredriving.bsky.social Support us on Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/ifyouredriving Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.","meta_description":"John, Niki and merritt assess the 2026 Met Gala in real time, providing up-to-the-minute details and analysis of all the freaks in their weird getups, in…","key_points":[],"chapters":[],"topics":[],"duration_seconds":3301,"processing_state":"not_requested","actions":[{"name":"request_transcript","method":"POST","url":"https://stenobird.com/v1/public/podcasts/if-you-re-driving-close-your-eyes-5734633/episodes/pastor-princess/transcription-requests","description":"Idempotently request low-priority transcript generation for this episode."},{"name":"read_markdown","method":"GET","url":"https://stenobird.com/podcast/if-you-re-driving-close-your-eyes-5734633/pastor-princess.md","description":"Read the agent-friendly Markdown representation of this episode resource."}]}}