# 40. How to Discover What You Want & Actually Ask For It

Page: https://stenobird.com/podcast/wild-geese-6890223/40-how-to-discover-what-you-want-actually-ask-for-it
Text version: https://stenobird.com/podcast/wild-geese-6890223/40-how-to-discover-what-you-want-actually-ask-for-it.md
Podcast: [Wild Geese](https://stenobird.com/podcast/wild-geese-6890223)
Published: 2025-11-26T11:00:00+00:00
Episode link: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/anna-howard1/episodes/40--How-to-Discover-What-You-Want--Actually-Ask-For-It-e3bfbgv
Audio file: https://anchor.fm/s/f5102908/podcast/play/111700959/https%3A%2F%2Fd3ctxlq1ktw2nl.cloudfront.net%2Fstaging%2F2025-10-25%2F413162127-44100-2-7a5abceef084c.mp3
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JSON: https://stenobird.com/v1/public/podcasts/wild-geese-6890223/episodes/40-how-to-discover-what-you-want-actually-ask-for-it
Duration seconds: 1684

## Resource

I believe desire is a map & we can start using it to actually improve our relationships with others WHILE seeing our dream life come into our physical reality!! RESOURCES MENTIONED: A Woman's Guide to Power Unbound: https://www.kasiaurbaniak.com/unbound-book Little Weirds by Jenny Slate: https://www.thejennyslate.com/little-weirds Pleasure Activism: https://adriennemareebrown.net/book/pleasure-activism/ RELATED EPISODES: Watch this if you're ready to rethink romantic relationships: https://youtu.be/olzuQmLQlSQ?si=T6BJ_SX340AQK9uV How to be a better villager: https://youtu.be/-cNpV9SL6OQ?si=Ib-dv2Y-s3PaQEBg 📓 Anna's Substack Newsletter ⛅ Wild Geese Instagram 💌 Anna's Podcast Production Services Watch on Youtube To inquire about potential collaborations, please email hello@annacorinneproductions.com 00:00 intro 01:00 Book of the Month Sponsorship 02:54 How are Desires Different than Goals? 04:54 How can we be ready to answer the question "What do you want?" 05:11 the low maintenance, chill persona is a myth06:25 the most radical thing a woman can do is want07:33 desires about being desired 08:16 You don't choose your desires, your desires choose you08:32 How do we even know what we want?12:51 A prompt to translate desires into asks15:00 Making your asks more specific17:50 Asking for the wrong thing is just information18:11 Satisfying your desires is a highly personal process18:46 Redefining what it means to ask for help 19:53 Maladaptive behaviors we might use to avoid asking for what we want20:22 Yearning can feel like a humiliation ritual21:09 Having conviction in your desires 23:10 How rejection can actually lead to a better outcome24:30 Why I reject wantlessness25:35 How desire can be an empowering community builder27:35 What is pleasure activism? 28:48…

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