# 93 : Where Was God? | Pastor Pete Ngai on Suffering, Healing & Knowing the Father

Page: https://stenobird.com/podcast/wholehearted-with-shawn-zajas-6410588/93-where-was-god-pastor-pete-ngai-on-suffering-healing-knowing-the-father
Text version: https://stenobird.com/podcast/wholehearted-with-shawn-zajas-6410588/93-where-was-god-pastor-pete-ngai-on-suffering-healing-knowing-the-father.md
Podcast: [Wholehearted with Shawn Zajas](https://stenobird.com/podcast/wholehearted-with-shawn-zajas-6410588)
Published: 2026-07-23T13:30:00+00:00
Episode link: https://shawn-zajas-show.captivate.fm/episode/93-where-was-god-pastor-pete-ngai-on-suffering-healing-knowing-the-father
Audio file: https://episodes.captivate.fm/episode/7d2e58b9-65d2-4259-a360-c21f342309c7.mp3
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JSON: https://stenobird.com/v1/public/podcasts/wholehearted-with-shawn-zajas-6410588/episodes/93-where-was-god-pastor-pete-ngai-on-suffering-healing-knowing-the-father
Duration seconds: 9951

## Resource

Where was God when everything fell apart? It's the question almost everyone asks eventually — usually in the dark, usually alone. In this conversation, Pastor Pete Ngai (Hand of Mercy) — Shawn Zajas's own pastor — refuses to give the easy, sanitized answer. Instead, he sits with the hard questions: suffering, grief, doubt, spiritual warfare, and what it actually means to be known and loved by God. This isn't a polished sermon. It's an honest, unhurried, deeply human conversation between a pastor and the man he's walked with — about the parts of faith that don't fit on a bumper sticker. We get into why a good God allows real pain, the difference between free will and fatalism, and how to hold onto faith when life doesn't make sense. Pete talks about spiritual warfare in a way that's grounded rather than sensational — including the thoughts running through your head that were never actually yours. We dig into the difference between knowing ABOUT God and actually KNOWING Him, and why so many people are exhausted from performing for a Father who never asked them to. Along the way, Pete shares the stories and images that shaped his faith: holding his newborn son and learning what a father's love really costs, the spirit of rejection that fed him lies for years, the hardest cases that test everyone's faith, and the quiet despair of standing in an empty church wondering whether anyone would come back next week. These aren't theological abstractions — they're scars, and they're where his theology actually comes from. If you've ever wondered whether faith can survive real grief — or whether God is good when life clearly isn't — this conversation is for you. — What we talk about — • Where is God in suffering, grief, and loss? • Why a good God allows pain — free will vs. fatalism…

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