# 31. "51% of you wants to get better, and 49% of you wants to keep using" Step 4: Define the Problem

Page: https://stenobird.com/podcast/wet-dreamz-6570437/31-51-of-you-wants-to-get-better-and-49-of-you-wants-to-keep-using-step-4-define-the-problem
Text version: https://stenobird.com/podcast/wet-dreamz-6570437/31-51-of-you-wants-to-get-better-and-49-of-you-wants-to-keep-using-step-4-define-the-problem.md
Podcast: [Wet Dreamz](https://stenobird.com/podcast/wet-dreamz-6570437)
Published: 2025-07-25T15:00:00+00:00
Episode link: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/jose-gonzalez775/episodes/31--51-of-you-wants-to-get-better--and-49-of-you-wants-to-keep-using-Step-4-Define-the-Problem-e33epug
Audio file: https://anchor.fm/s/9b1c177c/podcast/play/103294352/https%3A%2F%2Fd3ctxlq1ktw2nl.cloudfront.net%2Fstaging%2F2025-4-27%2F401113368-44100-2-7b02adf642c26.m4a
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JSON: https://stenobird.com/v1/public/podcasts/wet-dreamz-6570437/episodes/31-51-of-you-wants-to-get-better-and-49-of-you-wants-to-keep-using-step-4-define-the-problem
Duration seconds: 2269

## Resource

In this episode of the Wet Dreamz Podcast, host Jose Gonzalez and guest Dr. Brad Hinman dive into Step 4 of their eight-step recovery model : defining the real problem behind compulsive sexual behaviors like porn use. They emphasize that while porn might seem like the core issue, it’s actually a symptom of deeper emotional needs—such as a lack of affirmation, respect, or validation—that aren’t being met in healthy ways. The conversation explores how therapists help clients uncover these underlying issues by looking for themes in their personal histories and recurring emotional patterns. Jose and Dr. Hinman share insights on the challenges men face in identifying their “why,” including resistance to change, never having reflected on their motivations before, and societal habits of compartmentalizing problems. The episode ends with practical advice for those struggling to define their core issues, encouraging gentle self-reflection and curiosity to find healthier coping mechanisms rather than relying on porn or other destructive habits. Eight Step Model viewable PDF ⁠ https://shorturl.at/MDJUC Timestamps: 00:00 "Defining the Problem: Step 4" 06:27 Identifying and Addressing Needs 07:08 Life's Bird's Eye View Insights 11:43 Resistance to Change 15:49 Identifying Roots of Conflict 18:35 Reflect on Past to Heal Future 22:34 "Understanding and Disassembling Coping Mechanisms" 24:57 Overcoming Negative Behaviors 27:09 Personalized Coping Mechanism Discovery 33:41 Introspective Coping Without Unhealthy Habits 36:04 "Be Your Own Detective" LinkTree⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Facebook⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠TikTok⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Music from #Uppbeat free for Creators!):⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://uppbeat.io/t/moire/new-life⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠License code: 0SWIN8YAF7EIY6YI

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