# 27: Are You “Controlling” for Bringing Your Own Parenting Plan?

Page: https://stenobird.com/podcast/the-ugly-truth-of-divorce-7690600/27-are-you-controlling-for-bringing-your-own-parenting-plan
Text version: https://stenobird.com/podcast/the-ugly-truth-of-divorce-7690600/27-are-you-controlling-for-bringing-your-own-parenting-plan.md
Podcast: [The Ugly Truth of Divorce](https://stenobird.com/podcast/the-ugly-truth-of-divorce-7690600)
Published: 2026-05-07T09:00:00+00:00
Episode link: https://audioboom.com/posts/8900430
Audio file: https://dts.podtrac.com/redirect.mp3/audioboom.com/posts/8900430.mp3?modified=1778123126&sid=5166049&source=rss
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JSON: https://stenobird.com/v1/public/podcasts/the-ugly-truth-of-divorce-7690600/episodes/27-are-you-controlling-for-bringing-your-own-parenting-plan
Duration seconds: 1442

## Resource

Your attorney just told you that bringing a prepared parenting plan to mediation makes you "controlling." And you believed them. That's the problem right there. I'm a former mediator. I've been doing this for a decade. And I'm telling you straight up: that "controlling" label is bullshit designed to keep you dependent, confused, and broke. Here's what actually happens: You walk into mediation completely blind, shaking, possibly about to vomit (because that's what divorce anxiety does to you). Your attorney sits there. Your mediator sits there. Both of them getting paid $250-750 an hour. And they want you to have absolutely nothing prepared. No thoughts. No plan. Nothing. If that doesn't sound like a fucking scam, we're not the same. When someone walks in prepared with their parenting plan, I immediately know they care. They've educated themselves. They're not going to waste time on bullshit about the past (which, by the way, is literally how attorneys make money). But here's the thing: your attorney doesn't want you educated. An educated client is a threat to their business model. I spent 300 court dates and hundreds of thousands of dollars with a four-page garbage parenting plan because I didn't come prepared. I didn't know any better. You're not doing that. Your mediator doesn't know your kids. Doesn't know your schedule. Doesn't know your ex. Doesn't know shit about your actual life. You do. So why the hell would you walk in empty-handed to the most important negotiation of your entire life? Your future is literally the most important thing you'll ever negotiate. Act like it. Here’s What You Can Actually Take Away: Preparation Wins Over Powerlessness - Walking in prepared with your thoughts organized on paper means you walk in knowing you've got this. That's not con…

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