# 10: Right of First Refusal Explained (It's Bad)

Page: https://stenobird.com/podcast/the-ugly-truth-of-divorce-7690600/10-right-of-first-refusal-explained-it-s-bad
Text version: https://stenobird.com/podcast/the-ugly-truth-of-divorce-7690600/10-right-of-first-refusal-explained-it-s-bad.md
Podcast: [The Ugly Truth of Divorce](https://stenobird.com/podcast/the-ugly-truth-of-divorce-7690600)
Published: 2026-03-10T09:00:00+00:00
Episode link: https://audioboom.com/posts/8870944
Audio file: https://dts.podtrac.com/redirect.mp3/audioboom.com/posts/8870944.mp3?modified=1773131245&sid=5166049&source=rss
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JSON: https://stenobird.com/v1/public/podcasts/the-ugly-truth-of-divorce-7690600/episodes/10-right-of-first-refusal-explained-it-s-bad
Duration seconds: 1116

## Resource

Has your ex been following the rules so far in this divorce? No? Then what the hell makes you think they'll follow the right of first refusal clause—spoiler: they won't, but you will, and that's exactly how this bullshit clause destroys you. Right of first refusal is one of the biggest mistakes you can make in a high-conflict divorce. I've lived it, I've coached hundreds through it, and I'm sick of watching good parents get screwed by this clause. Here's what actually happens: You need to attend a childfree wedding, so you call your ex per the clause. They're like, "Oh yeah! I'd love extra time with the kids! Go have fun!" You go, have a good time, come back the next day—and your kids are walking out with their heads down. "Dad said you chose partying over us." And your ex hits you with: "I'm gonna use this against you in court." Wait. What the actual f? Twelve hours ago they were all about that extra time. Now it's ammunition. And here's the kicker: Your ex will never follow this rule themselves. While you're being the perfect rule follower, they're leaving your kids with their new girlfriend for three days straight. With the neighbor lady. With their mom. With literally anyone except offering you the time first. You'll catch them, have proof, and they'll say "Oh, I forgot" or "It was only a few hours." They will not follow the rules. Ever. But you will. What We're Covering: How right of first refusal actually works - And why it only works against you Real weaponization examples - Including my scuba trip story that became a child support argument Why you can't control who watches your kids anyway - You lost that at "divorce" How this eliminates your support system - No grandparents, babysitters, or village help The perspective shift - Your kids will figure out who's a…

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