# Structural Grief and Autonomy in Parenting with Dr. Debra Brause

Page: https://stenobird.com/podcast/the-david-kaufer-podcast-the-lighter-side-of-the-spectrum-7096940/structural-grief-and-autonomy-in-parenting-with-dr-debra-brause
Text version: https://stenobird.com/podcast/the-david-kaufer-podcast-the-lighter-side-of-the-spectrum-7096940/structural-grief-and-autonomy-in-parenting-with-dr-debra-brause.md
Podcast: [The David Kaufer Podcast: The Lighter Side of the Spectrum](https://stenobird.com/podcast/the-david-kaufer-podcast-the-lighter-side-of-the-spectrum-7096940)
Published: 2026-03-04T01:18:50+00:00
Episode link: https://kauferpodcast.podbean.com/e/structural-grief-and-autonomy-in-parenting-with-dr-debra-brause/
Audio file: https://mcdn.podbean.com/mf/web/8tykm6wddmtyfyqp/audio_of_Debra_Brause_Vid8mvw9.mp3
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JSON: https://stenobird.com/v1/public/podcasts/the-david-kaufer-podcast-the-lighter-side-of-the-spectrum-7096940/episodes/structural-grief-and-autonomy-in-parenting-with-dr-debra-brause
Duration seconds: 2895

## Resource

David welcomes clinical psychologist Dr. Debra Brause, a California-based writer for Psychology Today and mother of a neurodivergent teen, to discuss “structural grief,” which Brause notes was coined by Dr. Michael Hogue: grief not about the child, but about ableist, capitalist systems (school, healthcare, benefits) and collapsed normative timelines. In an autism fact-or-fiction segment, Brause challenges the belief that parents must grieve the child they expected, reframing grief as systemic and inviting a reorientation toward presence, care, and community. They discuss homeschooling after harmful school experiences, and distinguish autonomy (self-direction with support) from independence (doing things alone). Brause’s tip urges parents to notice triggers, address unresolved trauma, and avoid shaming behaviors like stimming; she recommends mindful self-compassion resources and community support such as Tilt Parenting. Topics 00:36 Meet Dr Debra Brause 03:00 Her Journey to Autism 05:17 Autism Fact or Fiction 06:02 Rethinking Parental Grief 12:25 Defining Structural Grief 14:52 School System Breaking Points 19:56 Autonomy vs Independence 22:50 Fear of Disability Culture 24:13 Setting Up Tip Segment 24:39 Do Your Own Work 25:07 Triggers and Stimming 26:58 Compliance vs Acceptance 27:47 Fears and Behavior Therapy 31:03 Rupture and Repair 33:47 Forgiveness and Trauma Time 35:48 Mindful Self Compassion 39:02 Writing and Advocacy 41:20 Parent Confession Fix It Mode 44:55 Community and Support 47:15 Connect and Wrap Up

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