# Ep 28: How Getting Sober Made Jay Vincent the Father He Never Had

Page: https://stenobird.com/podcast/the-dad-manual-7554137/ep-28-how-getting-sober-made-jay-vincent-the-father-he-never-had
Text version: https://stenobird.com/podcast/the-dad-manual-7554137/ep-28-how-getting-sober-made-jay-vincent-the-father-he-never-had.md
Podcast: [The Dad Manual](https://stenobird.com/podcast/the-dad-manual-7554137)
Published: 2026-07-07T11:00:00+00:00
Episode link: https://share.transistor.fm/s/b5a633c7
Audio file: https://media.transistor.fm/b5a633c7/e600993a.mp3
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JSON: https://stenobird.com/v1/public/podcasts/the-dad-manual-7554137/episodes/ep-28-how-getting-sober-made-jay-vincent-the-father-he-never-had
Duration seconds: 2623

## Resource

What does it take to become the father you never had? Jay Vincent joins me for one of the most honest conversations we've had on the show. Jay grew up idolizing a dad who slid into alcoholism and walked out when Jay was 15, and for years Jay repeated the pattern, through addiction, two DUIs, and the day he came home to an empty house after his kids' mother left. This is the story of how he climbed back. In this episode: how childhood shapes the dads we become, breaking a generational cycle of addiction, the night everything changed, getting sober and staying sober for 14 years, rebuilding trust with kids who barely knew him, parenting traumatized teenagers, and why doing the inner work is the real job of fatherhood. If you enjoyed The Dad Manual, leave us a rating on your podcast app! If you loved it, share this episode with a Dad! Send your questions to dadmanualpodcast@gmail.com. Connect with Tony Cooper: https://www.linkedin.com/in/thetonycooper/ 00:00 A hard-won lesson: kids absorb everything 00:29 Meet Jay Vincent, girl dad 02:03 Becoming a girl dad 05:44 Jay's childhood and his father 09:33 When a hero slides into alcoholism 10:53 The dad who left at 15 12:01 An angry teenager finds the dark side 14:00 Five miscarriages and the road to Kirsten 17:58 Bringing a child into a fighting home 21:03 The definition of fatherhood 21:36 Coming home to an empty house 24:07 Losing his kids and hitting bottom 25:04 Two DUIs and the cop who kept showing up 27:16 The night he cried out for help 28:49 Fourteen years sober 30:22 Doing it for his kids, then for himself 33:33 Showing up across state lines 34:00 Finding purpose in a fathers' recovery group 46:26 Advice for parents in a struggling relationship 49:22 Closing thoughts

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## Transcript

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