# Ep.73: "Your Self-Trust Atrophies"

Page: https://stenobird.com/podcast/the-cult-next-door-6582924/ep-73-your-self-trust-atrophies
Text version: https://stenobird.com/podcast/the-cult-next-door-6582924/ep-73-your-self-trust-atrophies.md
Podcast: [The Cult Next Door](https://stenobird.com/podcast/the-cult-next-door-6582924)
Published: 2026-05-20T09:30:02+00:00
Episode link: https://www.spreaker.com/episode/ep-73-your-self-trust-atrophies--72076989
Audio file: https://dts.podtrac.com/redirect.mp3/pdcn.co/e/api.spreaker.com/download/episode/72076989/jordan_mitzi_ep_2_24bit_audio.mp3
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JSON: https://stenobird.com/v1/public/podcasts/the-cult-next-door-6582924/episodes/ep-73-your-self-trust-atrophies
Duration seconds: 4104

## Resource

Leave us a voice message: https://www.speakpipe.com/TheCultNextDoor Join our Patreon: patreon.com/TheCultNextDoorPodcast About Today's Episode: Jordan and Mitzi open up about the brutal physical and mental toll of full-time ministry, and what happens when your entire life is graded on an invisible social scorecard. They don't hold back on the reality of that world—from the "Monday migraines" that hit after a weekend of masking as the perfect pastor’s wife, to the exact moment Jordan realized he was burying his own creative dreams to build a version of eternity he doesn't even believe in anymore. The conversation digs into the exhausting purity culture politics they grew up with, and a ministry lifestyle that drains you so completely you lose the ability to trust your own instincts. Jordan also looks back on his "debate bro" days at Ozark Christian College, sharing the intellectual breaking point where trying to force rigid, half-truth theology into the real world just stopped working. It’s a raw, honest look at what happens when you finally stop policing yourself, drop the pressure to have every answer, and realize how much relief there is in just saying, "I don't know."

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## Transcript

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