# Say This to Make Aggressive People Back Down

Page: https://stenobird.com/podcast/the-crappy-childhood-fairy-podcast-with-anna-runkle-5678290/say-this-to-make-aggressive-people-back-down
Text version: https://stenobird.com/podcast/the-crappy-childhood-fairy-podcast-with-anna-runkle-5678290/say-this-to-make-aggressive-people-back-down.md
Podcast: [The Crappy Childhood Fairy Podcast with Anna Runkle](https://stenobird.com/podcast/the-crappy-childhood-fairy-podcast-with-anna-runkle-5678290)
Published: 2026-04-24T07:00:00+00:00
Episode link: https://courses.crappychildhoodfairy.com/podcasts/the-crappy-childhood-fairy-podcast-with-anna-runkle/episodes/2149196637
Audio file: https://app.kajabi.com/podcasts/medias/2149196637.mp3
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Duration seconds: 978

## Resource

Learn how to maintain your dignity and emotional stability when faced with verbal or social aggression. This episode provides specific phrases and nervous system strategies to prevent others' dysregulation from triggering your own.

## Highlights
- Main idea: Your goal in conflict is not to win the argument, but to maintain your own nervous system regulation
- Practical takeaway: Use short, neutral phrases like 'That's not going to work with me' to set boundaries without escalating
- Failure mode: Reacting with equal intensity or freezing can lead to days of emotional dysregulation and shame
- Practical takeaway: The phrase 'I need to take a second' helps you manage your own internal spin while buying necessary space
- Main idea: Staying calm creates a 'force field of neutrality' that highlights the other person's behavior through contrast

## Topics

CPTSD, Nervous System Regulation, Conflict Resolution, Emotional Boundaries, Trauma Recovery, Assertiveness Training, Emotional Dysregulation

## Chapters
- 2:00 — The Impact of Aggression: Recognizing the immediate physiological response to being pushed, shouted at, or steamrolled by others.
- 3:20 — Understanding Dysregulation: How social dysfunction and emotional dysregulation in others trigger trauma responses in those with a history of chaos.
- 4:20 — A Lesson in Observation: A real-world example of witnessing aggression and the choice between reacting or remaining detached.
- 8:00 — The Power of Staying Grounded: Why your only job is to keep your clarity and let the other person's pressure fizzle out without your participation.
- 10:10 — Phrases for Self-Management: Using specific verbal tools to manage your own internal state and create space during intense moments.
- 11:20 — The Mirror Effect: Using simple words like 'Ouch' to hold up a mirror to the other person's behavior without attacking them.
- 12:30 — Building Your Force Field: How a regulated nervous system acts as a shield that disarms aggression through the power of contrast.

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## Transcript

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