# “I Learned Forgiveness by Refusing to Forgive” with Tara Howley and Alexa Kistler

Page: https://stenobird.com/podcast/the-art-of-accomplishment-3234863/i-learned-forgiveness-by-refusing-to-forgive-with-tara-howley-and-alexa-kistler
Text version: https://stenobird.com/podcast/the-art-of-accomplishment-3234863/i-learned-forgiveness-by-refusing-to-forgive-with-tara-howley-and-alexa-kistler.md
Podcast: [The Art of Accomplishment](https://stenobird.com/podcast/the-art-of-accomplishment-3234863)
Published: 2026-02-27T20:30:00+00:00
Episode link: http://artofaccomplishment.com/podcast
Audio file: https://afp-933324-injected.calisto.simplecastaudio.com/e83bf197-ae48-4679-bb45-5aa4369b6e74/episodes/8bd0cec6-f82b-4892-a5e7-8a1abebfe462/audio/128/default.mp3?aid=rss_feed&awCollectionId=e83bf197-ae48-4679-bb45-5aa4369b6e74&awEpisodeId=8bd0cec6-f82b-4892-a5e7-8a1abebfe462&feed=zksImfUP
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Duration seconds: 1853

## Resource

Forgiveness is one of the most charged words in our culture. For many of us, it was coerced out of us as children or held up as something good people do. But what if forgiveness isn't about being good or letting someone off the hook? In this episode, Alexa Kistler and Tara Howley reframe forgiveness as an act of self-care, a way to reopen your heart without abandoning your boundaries. They discuss: - Why coerced forgiveness misses the point - Forgiveness as a three-step process: emotions, curiosity, and boundaries - How boundaries make forgiveness possible - The difference between forgiving someone and wanting to be around them - What it means to forgive yourself - Holding forgiveness as sacred without making it an obligation

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## Transcript

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