# Sonia Does The Steps: Step 3 - From Willpower to Willingness

Page: https://stenobird.com/podcast/sisters-in-sobriety-6679709/sonia-does-the-steps-step-3-from-willpower-to-willingness
Text version: https://stenobird.com/podcast/sisters-in-sobriety-6679709/sonia-does-the-steps-step-3-from-willpower-to-willingness.md
Podcast: [Sisters In Sobriety](https://stenobird.com/podcast/sisters-in-sobriety-6679709)
Published: 2026-06-08T10:00:00+00:00
Episode link: https://soniakahlon6344.podbean.com/e/sonia-does-the-steps-step-3-from-willpower-to-willingness/
Audio file: https://mcdn.podbean.com/mf/web/kczz33hzcmdgaj8j/ArlinaStep3.mp3
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JSON: https://stenobird.com/v1/public/podcasts/sisters-in-sobriety-6679709/episodes/sonia-does-the-steps-step-3-from-willpower-to-willingness
Duration seconds: 3442

## Resource

In this episode of Sisters in Sobriety, Sonia and Kathleen continue the 12-step series with Arlina Allen for a real, funny, and deeply honest conversation about Step Three: making a decision to turn will and life over to a higher power. Arlina helps unpack the language that can feel intimidating, especially the “God” part, and reframes Step Three as a practice of willingness, surrender, and learning to stop doing recovery alone. The conversation explores what it means to move from willpower to willingness, why “trying harder” often keeps people stuck, and how dependence on a higher power can actually create more freedom. Sonia and Arlina talk about abstinence, moderation, self-will, fear, control, family triggers, difficult conversations, and the emotional gymnastics of wondering whether there is an “easier, softer way” to stay sober. Along the way, they make Step Three feel practical and human. They discuss the difference between surrender and giving up, how intuition can show up as peace, why self-care is part of spiritual practice, and how resentment becomes a bridge into Step Four. The episode also touches on the Serenity Prayer, direct communication, emotional responsibility, and the inventory process: naming resentments, identifying how they affect self-esteem, security, relationships, and fear, and beginning to see one’s own patterns without collapsing into shame. In the personal story segment, Sonia reflects on the relief and grief of realizing that full abstinence is the easier, softer way for her, even when part of her wishes she could use substances differently. Arlina shares how old family patterns, friendship endings, people-pleasing, and “everybody hates me” thinking still show up after decades of sobriety—and how connection, gratitude, honest conversatio…

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