# Why You Get Anxious During Sex (Even When You Want It)

Page: https://stenobird.com/podcast/sex-for-couples-with-heather-shannon-5845078/why-you-get-anxious-during-sex-even-when-you-want-it
Text version: https://stenobird.com/podcast/sex-for-couples-with-heather-shannon-5845078/why-you-get-anxious-during-sex-even-when-you-want-it.md
Podcast: [Sex For Couples with Heather Shannon](https://stenobird.com/podcast/sex-for-couples-with-heather-shannon-5845078)
Published: 2026-04-06T05:00:00+00:00
Episode link: https://heathershannon.co/podcast/
Audio file: https://dts.podtrac.com/redirect.mp3/episodes.captivate.fm/episode/790aeefb-23fe-4186-8c50-7babc91f23d7.mp3
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JSON: https://stenobird.com/v1/public/podcasts/sex-for-couples-with-heather-shannon-5845078/episodes/why-you-get-anxious-during-sex-even-when-you-want-it
Duration seconds: 3063

## Resource

You want sex. You care about your relationship. But when things actually start to happen… something shifts. You get in your head. You feel anxious, disconnected, or unsure of yourself. And sometimes, you walk away wondering why it didn’t feel as good as you hoped—or even feeling shame or guilt. In this episode, I’m joined by sex therapist and Certified IFS Therapist, Patricia Rich, to unpack what’s really going on beneath that experience. Because it’s not just about libido. And it’s not something you can fix by trying harder or “being more confident.” We’re diving into how different “parts” of you can take over during sex—pulling you out of the moment, creating tension, and leaving you feeling disconnected from your own desire. Once you understand this, everything starts to make a lot more sense. 💡 What You’ll Learn Why anxiety shows up during sex (even when you genuinely want it) How “parts” of you can override your desire and create inner conflict The difference between being present vs. going on autopilot during sex Why you might feel regret or disconnection afterward A simple way to start reconnecting with yourself in the moment Chapters 00:00 Introduction to IFS and Sex Therapy 02:45 Understanding Internal Family Systems (IFS) 05:34 Exploring Parts in Sexuality 08:27 Vulnerability and Intimacy in Relationships 11:22 Self-Led Sexuality and Awareness 14:12 Curiosity and Differentiating Parts 17:05 Practical Application of IFS in Sexuality 23:21 Exploring Vulnerability and Playfulness 25:41 Navigating Safety and Judgment in Relationships 28:07 Understanding Parts and Their Needs 32:13 The Complexity of Human Emotions 36:28 Communication and Vulnerability in Relationships 41:06 The Goldilocks Approach to Therapy 44:58 Training and Resources for IFS in Sexuality 👩‍⚕️ A…

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