# #11 Haircuts, consent, and the grammar of getting things done

Page: https://stenobird.com/podcast/queers-with-accents-7747041/11-haircuts-consent-and-the-grammar-of-getting-things-done
Text version: https://stenobird.com/podcast/queers-with-accents-7747041/11-haircuts-consent-and-the-grammar-of-getting-things-done.md
Podcast: [Queers with Accents](https://stenobird.com/podcast/queers-with-accents-7747041)
Published: 2026-06-12T17:53:53+00:00
Episode link: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/queerswithaccents/episodes/11-Haircuts--consent--and-the-grammar-of-getting-things-done-e3kn89k
Audio file: https://anchor.fm/s/113ab0284/podcast/play/121396980/https%3A%2F%2Fd3ctxlq1ktw2nl.cloudfront.net%2Fstaging%2F2026-5-12%2F426030943-44100-2-9332b80abb71a.mp3
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JSON: https://stenobird.com/v1/public/podcasts/queers-with-accents-7747041/episodes/11-haircuts-consent-and-the-grammar-of-getting-things-done
Duration seconds: 1903

## Resource

Kinoko is one of my ESL students and the author of I Have Two Partners: Living the Polyamorous Life , a ground-breaking book in Japanese about polyamory, as well as the organizer of Poly Lounge , a series of events for polyamorous and questioning people and allies. We publish archived videos of our lessons as a podcast. Today, our conversation covered the following topics: Kinoko's new hairstyle, cut by a friend during a camping trip on a deserted (uninhabited) island, including the difference between "desert" and "deserted." The social pressure on women (especially Asian women) to have long, black, sleek hair, and how cutting her hair short is a form of activism. Why friends hesitate to cut each other's hair: it can be seen as invasive, violent, or a form of punishment (bullying, shaving heads as discipline). The word "fringe" – both for hairstyle (bangs) and for something outside the mainstream, weird, or questionable. The balance between boundaries and autonomy versus the reality that some invasiveness is part of life, and how cutting hair can be an act of trust and leeway. Grammar focus: the "have object passive" construction ( I had my hair cut by my friends ), contrasting it with regular passive sentences. Tip: Turn on the automatic transcript feature if you’d like to read along. Connect with Kinoko-san Kinoko-san’s X: ⁠https://x.com/kinoko1027⁠ Kinoko-san’s blog: ⁠https://ameblo.jp/kinoko1027ameba/⁠ Her book: ⁠https://amzn.asia/d/0gusbsvA⁠ Her interview: ⁠https://news.yahoo.co.jp/articles/ad17531bef6f9307a429f45f450a9fb2817f8196

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