# #59: The Dating Move That Tells You Everything (Before You're in Too Deep)

Page: https://stenobird.com/podcast/practicing-love-have-the-best-love-and-sex-of-your-life-after-40-7053593/59-the-dating-move-that-tells-you-everything-before-you-re-in-too-deep
Text version: https://stenobird.com/podcast/practicing-love-have-the-best-love-and-sex-of-your-life-after-40-7053593/59-the-dating-move-that-tells-you-everything-before-you-re-in-too-deep.md
Podcast: [Practicing Love: Have the Best Love and Sex of Your Life After 40](https://stenobird.com/podcast/practicing-love-have-the-best-love-and-sex-of-your-life-after-40-7053593)
Published: 2026-07-02T20:35:00+00:00
Episode link: https://55a15c30-fab8-4111-89c4-b7c13a31ff7f.libsyn.com/59-skip-the-small-talk-can-i-say-something-honest-instead
Audio file: https://traffic.libsyn.com/secure/55a15c30-fab8-4111-89c4-b7c13a31ff7f/Shana_Ep_4.mp3?dest-id=4744482
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JSON: https://stenobird.com/v1/public/podcasts/practicing-love-have-the-best-love-and-sex-of-your-life-after-40-7053593/episodes/59-the-dating-move-that-tells-you-everything-before-you-re-in-too-deep
Duration seconds: 927

## Resource

Many people enter dating determined to avoid conflict. They smile through uncomfortable conversations, overlook comments that don't sit right, or convince themselves they're being "easygoing." Especially for those dating after 40 or dating after divorce, staying agreeable can feel like the safest way to protect themselves from rejection or disappointment. But according to relationship and dating coach Shana James, this habit often prevents people from discovering whether someone is truly capable of building a healthy relationship. In this solo episode of Practicing Love , I, Shana James , share the third move in my series on transforming modern dating. While the first two episodes focused on creating an honest atmosphere at the start of a date and staying connected to your own experience throughout the conversation, this episode explores what to do when something doesn't feel quite right. Most people respond to uncomfortable moments in one of two ways. They either smooth things over and pretend nothing happened or they emotionally check out of the conversation without saying a word. Although both reactions are understandable, neither helps you learn whether the person sitting across from you can handle honesty, curiosity, and emotional intimacy. Instead, Shana encourages listeners to do something surprisingly simple: acknowledge what you're experiencing. Rather than accusing your date or making assumptions about their intentions, she recommends expressing your own internal experience. A sentence as simple as, "Can I say something honest?" followed by sharing what you noticed in yourself can completely transform the conversation. This isn't about creating conflict or turning a first date into therapy. It's about inviting authenticity. When you honestly express a small m…

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