# The Parenting Long Game: Finding the Problem Under the Problem

Page: https://stenobird.com/podcast/neurodiversity-podcast-485169/the-parenting-long-game-finding-the-problem-under-the-problem
Text version: https://stenobird.com/podcast/neurodiversity-podcast-485169/the-parenting-long-game-finding-the-problem-under-the-problem.md
Podcast: [Neurodiversity Podcast](https://stenobird.com/podcast/neurodiversity-podcast-485169)
Published: 2026-06-24T21:58:00+00:00
Episode link: https://neurodiversitypodcast.com/home/2026/6/24/episode-322-the-parenting-long-game-finding-the-problem-under-the-problem
Audio file: https://traffic.libsyn.com/secure/mindmatters/20260624_Neurodiversity_Podcast_Episode_322.mp3?dest-id=643256
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JSON: https://stenobird.com/v1/public/podcasts/neurodiversity-podcast-485169/episodes/the-parenting-long-game-finding-the-problem-under-the-problem
Duration seconds: 2255

## Resource

Today we talk about how parent reactivity, historical family patterns, and systemic overwhelm inadvertently trap families in cyclical power struggles. Emily Kircher-Morris welcomes Diane Dempster, a professional coach, author, and co-founder of ImpactParents, to talk about how urgency often drives parents out of an objective problem-solving mindset, and toward reactionary behaviors that over-manage their kids, rather than supporting their neurological growth. They talk about the family as an interdependent system, and about how interpersonal traps of the traditional drama triangle can cause family members to cycle through the roles of villain, victim, and rescuer. They also discuss the ImpactParents framework, which categorizes parenting modalities into four intentional roles: director, collaborator, supporter, and champion. By learning these roles, parents can safely allow productive struggle while maintaining connection. TAKEAWAYS Responses to acute childhood dysregulation are often heavily influenced by an internalized fear of the future, childhood parenting histories, and secondary social pressures. Executive functioning challenges can often be lessened by a clear shift from top-down behavior modification rules to collaborative family agreements. Effective parent scaffolding can be structured across four situational modalities: the director, the collaborator, the supporter, and the champion. The upcoming CE training Emily talks about on this week's episode features Dr. Christopher Willard, and is titled, "The New 3 R's: Mindfulness-Based Resilience, Regulation, and Relationships." The training is live online Friday, July 10 from 2:00 to 3:30 pm Eastern, and is approved for 1.5 APA and NBCC continuing education hours. Everyone who registers can earn those credits by…

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