# 84. I'm done with being regulated

Page: https://stenobird.com/podcast/mothering-ourselves-mindfully-7036456/84-i-m-done-with-being-regulated
Text version: https://stenobird.com/podcast/mothering-ourselves-mindfully-7036456/84-i-m-done-with-being-regulated.md
Podcast: [Mothering Ourselves Mindfully](https://stenobird.com/podcast/mothering-ourselves-mindfully-7036456)
Published: 2026-03-24T09:00:00+00:00
Episode link: https://www.theschoolofmom.com
Audio file: https://episodes.captivate.fm/episode/32e26482-a817-4ac4-adc9-8a141aabf80d.mp3
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JSON: https://stenobird.com/v1/public/podcasts/mothering-ourselves-mindfully-7036456/episodes/84-i-m-done-with-being-regulated
Duration seconds: 1433

## Resource

I'm recording this one on a windy day, and it feels fitting because this episode is unfiltered. I've been sitting with a growing frustration around a word that I've used a lot in this space, and I need to talk about it: regulated . As much as I believe in what it means in the nervous system sense, something has shifted - in me, in this cultural moment, and in what I want to model for my daughters. So I'm officially retiring the word, and replacing it with something that actually captures what we're building here: flourished . Key Points Why "regulated" no longer works for me — The nervous system definition of regulated (moving through sympathetic and shutdown states and returning to grounded safety) is still true and valid. But the word itself has become too loaded — politically, culturally, and personally — to land the way it's meant to. Words matter, and this one isn't working anymore. The personal moment that sparked this — A heated exchange with my husband, a group call where another mom voiced the exact same frustration, and the realization that I was holding a layer of self-blame on top of the original trigger: I should be more regulated. Why aren't I more regulated? Sound familiar? The systemic piece we can't ignore — Women have been conditioned to keep their voices calm, their emotions contained, and their reactions palatable. The expectation to be "the regulated one" in the relationship, in the home, in the world — is a systemic pattern, not a personal failing. What I want instead: flourished — Your kids don't need a perfect mom. They don't need a regulated mom. They need a flourished mom. A mom who is lit up by what she's passionate about, who unapologetically feels her feelings, who trusts her rage and her rest and her seasons. The Flourished Mother archetyp…

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## Transcript

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