# I Tried to Toughen Up My Son. He Had Other Ideas.

Page: https://stenobird.com/podcast/modern-love-436568/i-tried-to-toughen-up-my-son-he-had-other-ideas
Text version: https://stenobird.com/podcast/modern-love-436568/i-tried-to-toughen-up-my-son-he-had-other-ideas.md
Podcast: [Modern Love](https://stenobird.com/podcast/modern-love-436568)
Published: 2026-01-21T10:00:00+00:00
Episode link: https://www.nytimes.com/column/modern-love-podcast
Audio file: https://dts.podtrac.com/redirect.mp3/pdst.fm/e/pfx.vpixl.com/6qj4J/pscrb.fm/rss/p/nyt.simplecastaudio.com/db3c768b-254c-4291-946b-8216b0b2a2a1/episodes/23653238-454a-4807-bbba-9ac26c407563/audio/128/default.mp3?aid=rss_feed&awCollectionId=db3c768b-254c-4291-946b-8216b0b2a2a1&awEpisodeId=23653238-454a-4807-bbba-9ac26c407563&feed=0N8Hs1MH
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Duration seconds: 3374

## Resource

Sam Graham-Felsen was not a tough child. He feared violence and didn’t feel that he could stand up for himself when he was bullied. His fear ate away at his confidence; he was afraid to go on dates, afraid to try hard in school. As an adult, he thought he had moved past those fears. But then he started to notice some of those same tendencies in his young son. Sam wanted to change that, so he took his son on a cross-country road trip to Badlands National Park, in search of what Theodore Roosevelt called “the strenuous life.” Along the way, he found himself wrestling with what it means to be a good man, and to raise a good man. This week on “Modern Love,” Sam explains what happened, and how his son changed his own ideas about what it means to be tough. You can read Sam’s original story in The New York Times Magazine.

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## Transcript

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