# Ep 427 When One of You Is the Problem (And It's Both of You) w/James & Molly

Page: https://stenobird.com/podcast/marriage-therapy-radio-716729/ep-427-when-one-of-you-is-the-problem-and-it-s-both-of-you-w-james-molly
Text version: https://stenobird.com/podcast/marriage-therapy-radio-716729/ep-427-when-one-of-you-is-the-problem-and-it-s-both-of-you-w-james-molly.md
Podcast: [Marriage Therapy Radio](https://stenobird.com/podcast/marriage-therapy-radio-716729)
Published: 2026-06-02T07:00:00+00:00
Episode link: https://marriagetherapyradio.com/2026/06/02/ep-427-when-one-of-you-is-the-problem-and-its-both-of-you-w-james-molly/
Audio file: https://rss.art19.com/episodes/77f65b1d-2220-44f7-9a54-6996d764b591.mp3?rss_browser=BAhJIg90cmFuc2NyaWJyBjoGRVQ%3D--952c5701c84ad333c69d5faa668f8177091704f0
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JSON: https://stenobird.com/v1/public/podcasts/marriage-therapy-radio-716729/episodes/ep-427-when-one-of-you-is-the-problem-and-it-s-both-of-you-w-james-molly
Duration seconds: 2465

## Resource

Zach sits down with James and Molly Christensen, a married couple and fellow therapists based in Sacramento, who spent more than six years in couples therapy before it actually worked. They burned through eight therapists, logged over a hundred sessions, and came within reach of a marriage that had been quietly failing for years. The fact that they are now both practicing couples therapists themselves makes this conversation something rare: a behind-the-curtain look at what the struggle actually looks like from inside. The conversation gets honest fast. James names what he had to face: narcissism, manipulation, a sense of superiority, and an inability to take feedback without it threatening his identity. Molly describes her own side of the dynamic, a deeply people-pleasing, avoidant woman who had been raised to see relationships as transactional, and who spent years wondering whether her instincts about James were accurate or whether she was the one losing her mind. The turning point for both of them came in the form of an intensive with a therapist who was finally skilled enough to hold them both, call them both out in the moment, and care enough about James to be blunt with him without losing him. James started recording every session and listening back four times. By the fourth listen, he could hear himself clearly. That's when things shifted. What runs underneath this whole episode is a conviction that most couples are doing "recovery lounge" therapy, showing up, going through the motions, and feeling okay about it, without ever actually growing. James makes the case that conflict is not the problem in most marriages. Avoidance is. The goal, for both of them as clients and now as clinicians, is more conflict with less anger, which means developing the capacity to s…

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## Transcript

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