# Are You Nicer to Strangers Than Your Partner ft. DeWanda Wise

Page: https://stenobird.com/podcast/lovers-by-shan-4367835/are-you-nicer-to-strangers-than-your-partner-ft-dewanda-wise
Text version: https://stenobird.com/podcast/lovers-by-shan-4367835/are-you-nicer-to-strangers-than-your-partner-ft-dewanda-wise.md
Podcast: [LOVERS by Shan](https://stenobird.com/podcast/lovers-by-shan-4367835)
Published: 2026-03-11T07:30:00+00:00
Episode link: https://omny.fm/shows/lovers-by-shan/are-you-nicer-to-strangers-than-your-partner-ft-dewanda-wise
Audio file: https://www.podtrac.com/pts/redirect.mp3/pdst.fm/e/claritaspod.com/measure/pscrb.fm/rss/p/mgln.ai/e/491/traffic.megaphone.fm/LEME3825365670.mp3?updated=1776739575
Processing state: not_requested
JSON: https://stenobird.com/v1/public/podcasts/lovers-by-shan-4367835/episodes/are-you-nicer-to-strangers-than-your-partner-ft-dewanda-wise
Duration seconds: 3339

## Resource

Thank you to Evvy for sponsoring today’s video! Go to https://evvy.yt.link/v90OvPp and use code LOVERSBYSHAN10 to get 10% off your first purchase (up to $25). ________________________ In this episode of Lovers, I sit down with actor DeWanda Wise to talk about what makes her marriage to actor Alano Miller genuinely healthy, not perfect, not performative, but well-matched. DeWanda and Alano have been married since 2009 after dating for only three months. Now more than 15 years in, they frequently appear together at industry events and continue to build a partnership rooted in intentionality rather than assumption. Alano Miller, known for his roles in Underground and Jane the Virgin, shares a dynamic with DeWanda that is grounded in accountability and mutual respect. One of the most impactful amendments in their marriage came from Christian counseling: don’t treat strangers better than you treat me. They hold each other accountable to extend the same kindness, patience, and curiosity at home that they offer the outside world. When one of them falls short, the response is not immediate condemnation but curiosity and course correction. We explore the delicate balance between accepting your partner and enabling harmful patterns, and what it truly means to be well-suited to love someone as they are. DeWanda challenges the idea that being “too much” is always a flaw, suggesting instead that compatibility determines whether intensity feels overwhelming or perfectly matched. We also draw parallels to parenting, where the tension between letting someone be themselves and shaping them into who we think they should become is ever-present. This conversation ultimately centers on discernment, kindness, and the courage to build a relationship where both partners feel deeply seen and r…

## Actions

- request_transcript: `POST https://stenobird.com/v1/public/podcasts/lovers-by-shan-4367835/episodes/are-you-nicer-to-strangers-than-your-partner-ft-dewanda-wise/transcription-requests` — Idempotently request low-priority transcript generation for this episode.
- read_markdown: `GET https://stenobird.com/podcast/lovers-by-shan-4367835/are-you-nicer-to-strangers-than-your-partner-ft-dewanda-wise.md` — Read the agent-friendly Markdown representation of this episode resource.

A page view does not enqueue transcription. Agents should invoke `request_transcript` explicitly when they need this episode processed.

## Transcript

Full transcripts are not published on public pages unless there is a clear rights basis.