# Episode 353: What Keeps Them Close - Josh's Mom

Page: https://stenobird.com/podcast/losing-a-child-always-andy-s-mom-252545/episode-353-what-keeps-them-close-josh-s-mom
Text version: https://stenobird.com/podcast/losing-a-child-always-andy-s-mom-252545/episode-353-what-keeps-them-close-josh-s-mom.md
Podcast: [Losing a Child: Always Andy's Mom](https://stenobird.com/podcast/losing-a-child-always-andy-s-mom-252545)
Published: 2026-06-18T11:52:00+00:00
Episode link: https://andysmom.libsyn.com/episode-353-what-keeps-them-close-joshs-mom
Audio file: https://traffic.libsyn.com/secure/andysmom/353_-_Joshs_Mom_-_Final.mp3?dest-id=1436963
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JSON: https://stenobird.com/v1/public/podcasts/losing-a-child-always-andy-s-mom-252545/episodes/episode-353-what-keeps-them-close-josh-s-mom
Duration seconds: 3730

## Resource

There is a fear that lives quietly inside almost every grieving parent. It rarely gets said out loud, but it shapes so much of how we carry our grief. If I let go of the pain, will I lose them too? Caryn, Josh's mom, spent years living inside that fear before she finally understood something that changed everything for her. Josh was Caryn's oldest son, a champion wrestler who came within reach of Olympic dreams, smart and witty and utterly fearless. A week and a half before he died in a motorcycle accident at 23, he told her three times that he was invincible. Caryn believes now that in some sense he was right. His soul was invincible. It was only his body that was not. The accident happened just eight days after Caryn and her husband told their sons they were separating. It was, as she puts it, the year from hell. She remembers saying out loud to her friends that she did not think she could live through it. But Caryn had tools most people do not. As a hypnotherapist of over twenty years, she understood the power of the subconscious mind, and in the days after Josh died, she leaned on every tool she had. She also began experiencing something she never expected. Messages from Josh in the middle of the night. An unearthly peace on her deck just days after his death. A spiritual awakening she did not see coming and, by her own admission, would have dismissed as woo-woo before. What grew out of all of it was a hard-won understanding about the difference between holding on and letting go. For a long time, Caryn held Josh so tightly that she could feel him gently telling her it was time to let him run free, that he did not need her to hold on so tight anymore. Releasing that grip did not come easily. It felt, for a while, like losing him all over again. But what came after w…

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## Transcript

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