# How do you parent your kids when you feel disqualified?

Page: https://stenobird.com/podcast/lights-on-with-carl-lentz-6927795/how-do-you-parent-your-kids-when-you-feel-disqualified
Text version: https://stenobird.com/podcast/lights-on-with-carl-lentz-6927795/how-do-you-parent-your-kids-when-you-feel-disqualified.md
Podcast: [Lights On with Carl Lentz](https://stenobird.com/podcast/lights-on-with-carl-lentz-6927795)
Published: 2026-05-18T15:00:00+00:00
Episode link: https://s.gum.fm/s-6750d39b27f9d571b5016e8c/claritaspod.com/measure/pscrb.fm/rss/p/rss.art19.com/episodes/0d10b9bb-6993-48ba-8b6a-ea8730f97513.mp3?rss_browser=BAhJIg90cmFuc2NyaWJyBjoGRVQ%3D--952c5701c84ad333c69d5faa668f8177091704f0
Audio file: https://s.gum.fm/s-6750d39b27f9d571b5016e8c/claritaspod.com/measure/pscrb.fm/rss/p/rss.art19.com/episodes/0d10b9bb-6993-48ba-8b6a-ea8730f97513.mp3?rss_browser=BAhJIg90cmFuc2NyaWJyBjoGRVQ%3D--952c5701c84ad333c69d5faa668f8177091704f0
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JSON: https://stenobird.com/v1/public/podcasts/lights-on-with-carl-lentz-6927795/episodes/how-do-you-parent-your-kids-when-you-feel-disqualified
Duration seconds: 2408

## Resource

Want to submit questions? Email us at hello@carlandlaura.com When a parent emailed asking how to discipline their kids after blowing up the family, we knew this conversation needed its own episode. Their question went deeper than discipline though. It was about authority. How do you lead your kids when you feel completely disqualified? And how do you stabilize their nervous system when yours is barely holding together? In this episode of Lights On, Carl and Laura sit with the parent who knows the unique pain of trying to show up for their kids after wrecking the very thing that was supposed to make them feel safe. They walk through three pillars that have carried their own family through six years of repair: posture, honesty, and confidence. None of them are what most people assume they are. You'll hear why your kids don't lose respect when you fail, they lose it when you pretend you didn't. Why removing discipline out of guilt actually steals the safety your children are craving most. Why secrecy "to protect them" usually does the opposite, and what the merry-go-round study reveals about the boundaries kids actually need. Carl gets honest about the dad voice that had to be retired and the one that took its place. Laura speaks directly to the betrayed spouse navigating their own version of this, and why the temptation to triangulate with your kids is one of the most costly choices a parent can make. Stay for the lighthouse metaphor, the turbulence-on-a-plane illustration that will change the way you talk to your kids about hard things, and the honest truth about how we tagged in and tagged out on the days neither of them had anything left to give. If you're parenting through repair, or watching someone you love try to, this one is for you. Follow Carl at: https://www.i…

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