# 19. The Parenting Mistake of Confusing Empathy with Permission

Page: https://stenobird.com/podcast/know-your-children-with-rav-shlomo-katz-7478156/19-the-parenting-mistake-of-confusing-empathy-with-permission
Text version: https://stenobird.com/podcast/know-your-children-with-rav-shlomo-katz-7478156/19-the-parenting-mistake-of-confusing-empathy-with-permission.md
Podcast: [Know Your Children with Rav Shlomo Katz](https://stenobird.com/podcast/know-your-children-with-rav-shlomo-katz-7478156)
Published: 2026-04-19T09:21:47+00:00
Episode link: https://share.transistor.fm/s/551c049e
Audio file: https://media.transistor.fm/551c049e/106b4875.mp3
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JSON: https://stenobird.com/v1/public/podcasts/know-your-children-with-rav-shlomo-katz-7478156/episodes/19-the-parenting-mistake-of-confusing-empathy-with-permission
Duration seconds: 3369

## Resource

Rav Shlomo Katz and the women of Shirat David continue exploring one of the most misunderstood יסודות in parenting: the difference between acknowledgment and enabling. Building on the concept of chush ha’ta’am —a child’s inner sense of preference and desire—Rav Shlomo explains why a child’s feelings must be recognized as real, even when their actions can’t be accepted. Just as we would never deny a child’s physical reality, we can’t dismiss their emotional world without causing deeper harm. Through practical examples—from food preferences to more complex emotional and החיים situations—this shiur lays out a clear framework: first acknowledge, then guide. Skipping that first step doesn’t create discipline—it creates distance. The challenge is learning how to validate what a child feels without reinforcing what may not be healthy or appropriate. And that delicate balance is where real chinuch begins. ---------- For more Shuirim and Music from Rav Shlomo Katz, visit: https://ravshlomokatz.com Join Rav Shlomo Katz's WhatsApp Community: https://chat.whatsapp.com/KHKOhhPaeHx5Kb74WL9L9a?mode=ems_copy_t CHAPTERS 00:00 Sponsorship Announcements 01:11 Recap: Food Discipline & Chush HaTa’am 03:51 Understanding the Sense of Taste 07:48 Coke Zero & Real vs. Perceived Desire 14:36 Personal Story: Discovering Taste as a Child 17:25 Physical Limits: Nails, Hair, and Reality 19:33 Encouraging Kids to Explore Preferences 21:44 Toy Guns & Boundaries in Chinuch 24:01 Desire Is Real: First Step in Parenting 29:00 Acknowledging Kids’ Preferences Beyond Food 33:53 Elevating Above Physical Desire 35:17 Responding to Extreme Emotional States 36:39 Intermarriage & Real Feelings vs. Values 41:40 Know Emotions Before Trying to Remove Them 43:58 Balancing Food Talk in the Home

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