# 11. My Needs vs. My Child’s Needs

Page: https://stenobird.com/podcast/know-your-children-with-rav-shlomo-katz-7478156/11-my-needs-vs-my-child-s-needs
Text version: https://stenobird.com/podcast/know-your-children-with-rav-shlomo-katz-7478156/11-my-needs-vs-my-child-s-needs.md
Podcast: [Know Your Children with Rav Shlomo Katz](https://stenobird.com/podcast/know-your-children-with-rav-shlomo-katz-7478156)
Published: 2026-01-11T09:53:41+00:00
Episode link: https://share.transistor.fm/s/4c9ceff1
Audio file: https://media.transistor.fm/4c9ceff1/c3c49dce.mp3
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JSON: https://stenobird.com/v1/public/podcasts/know-your-children-with-rav-shlomo-katz-7478156/episodes/11-my-needs-vs-my-child-s-needs
Duration seconds: 3411

## Resource

In parenting, we want to believe our love is perfect — automatic, limitless, and always putting our child first. But real life has a way of testing that fantasy. Rav Shlomo Katz and the women of Shirat David unpack a surprisingly relieving truth: a parent can genuinely love their child… and still have moments where their own needs collide with the child’s needs . Sometimes it’s obvious (work, exhaustion, basic functioning). Sometimes it’s subtler (wanting quiet when your child needs connection, wanting “my plan” when your child needs “me”). With honesty, humor, and a lot of compassion, we explore: Why this tension is normal and why denying it makes us less self-aware The difference between a true need vs. laziness/ta’avah How “timing” and communication can become a real avodah Why kids experience reality differently (and how that changes everything) This isn’t a guilt shiur. It’s a clarity shiur — the kind that helps you become more present, more balanced, and more loving in the moments that actually matter. --------- For more Shuirim and Music from Rav Shlomo Katz, visit: https://ravshlomokatz.com Join Rav Shlomo Katz's WhatsApp Community: https://chat.whatsapp.com/KHKOhhPaeHx5Kb74WL9L9a?mode=ems_copy_t Chapters 00:00 Opening and Introducing the Shiur Topic 01:05 Natural Parental Love at Birth 04:07 Striving for the Perfect Parent 13:26 Question of Absolute Unconditional Love 18:08 Recognizing Unconscious Preference 21:13 “My Need vs My Child’s Need” Examples 25:44 The “One Candy Left” Test 28:31 Alone Time, Date Night, and the Child’s Experience 33:16 Sleep Training as a Case Study 35:49 The Pillow at 2:00am: Need or Laziness? 37:54 A Parent Has Needs Too 40:12 Needs vs. Laziness/Ta’avah (The Real Birur) 42:52 The Oxygen Mask Analogy 44:40 Timing as a Tool for Discer…

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