# When It's Not Your Fault: Blame, Backlash, and Setting Limits

Page: https://stenobird.com/podcast/it-s-all-your-fault-high-conflict-people-5633630/when-it-s-not-your-fault-blame-backlash-and-setting-limits
Text version: https://stenobird.com/podcast/it-s-all-your-fault-high-conflict-people-5633630/when-it-s-not-your-fault-blame-backlash-and-setting-limits.md
Podcast: [It’s All Your Fault: High Conflict People](https://stenobird.com/podcast/it-s-all-your-fault-high-conflict-people-5633630)
Published: 2026-05-14T10:00:00+00:00
Episode link: https://share.transistor.fm/s/a1b919ab
Audio file: https://op3.dev/e/media.transistor.fm/a1b919ab/a14559ea.mp3
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JSON: https://stenobird.com/v1/public/podcasts/it-s-all-your-fault-high-conflict-people-5633630/episodes/when-it-s-not-your-fault-blame-backlash-and-setting-limits
Duration seconds: 1857

## Resource

When a high conflict person says it's all your fault, most reasonable people do something predictable — they start wondering what they did wrong. That instinct toward self-reflection is healthy in most relationships. With high conflict people, it becomes a trap. Bill Eddy, LCSW, JD, and Megan Hunter, MBA, co-founders of the High Conflict Institute, unpack why high conflict personalities blame with an intensity that triggers your brain's threat-detection system — and why that intensity is precisely what makes you absorb guilt that isn't yours. They cover how to reality-test yourself when the blame lands hard, what to expect when you finally set a limit, and how to sit with the backlash without retreating into self-doubt. It's All Your Fault is produced by TruStory FM. Full Show Notes & Resources Submit Questions | Full Show Notes | Bookstore | Website Watch this episode on YouTube Important Notice: Our discussions focus on behavioral patterns rather than diagnoses. For specific legal or therapeutic guidance, please consult qualified professionals in your area. (00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault (00:43) - It’s NOT Your Fault (02:22) - Why Do HCPs Blame? (07:00) - Absorbing Guilt (13:31) - Example (17:36) - Setting Limits and Potential Backlash (19:28) - Why HCPs Escalate (24:20) - Grow Used to Uncomfortable Feelings (26:29) - Knowing When It’s Not Safe (28:28) - Key Takeaways (29:27) - Wrap Up

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