# 191. Divorcing an Alcoholic: Trauma Bonds, Fear, and Self-Preservation

Page: https://stenobird.com/podcast/how-not-to-suck-at-divorce-4488361/191-divorcing-an-alcoholic-trauma-bonds-fear-and-self-preservation
Text version: https://stenobird.com/podcast/how-not-to-suck-at-divorce-4488361/191-divorcing-an-alcoholic-trauma-bonds-fear-and-self-preservation.md
Podcast: [How Not To Suck At Divorce](https://stenobird.com/podcast/how-not-to-suck-at-divorce-4488361)
Published: 2026-02-20T10:00:00+00:00
Episode link: https://hownottosuckatdivorce.com/
Audio file: https://episodes.captivate.fm/episode/0d801656-700c-4f8d-b143-6a24f0db1126.mp3
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Duration seconds: 2710

## Resource

Living with alcoholism can make you question everything—your judgment, your boundaries, even your reality. If you’re thinking about divorcing an alcoholic (or you’re not ready to leave yet, but you know something has to change), this episode is for you. Morgan Stogsdill and Andrea Rappaport sit down with Jeff Wright , an insurance brokerage founder and mentor who has helped countless people navigate toxic, alcohol-fueled relationships—shaped by his own childhood experience with an abusive alcoholic parent. Together, they unpack why leaving an alcoholic spouse can feel impossible (even when the situation is clearly unsafe), how trauma bonds keep people stuck, and what “self-preservation” really looks like when you’re trying to protect your children and your sanity. You’ll also learn the practical steps to take before you file: who to talk to (and who not to), how to make a plan quietly, how to build confidence when you feel shattered, and what legal tools can help keep kids safe—including monitoring options like Soberlink , testing, and supervised parenting time. If you’ve been surviving in chaos, consider this your permission slip to stop normalizing it—and start building a path out. What You’ll Learn in This Episode Why living with an alcoholic partner can distort your reality and decision-making The real reasons people stay (hint: it’s often not money) What a trauma bond is and why “they hurt you, then hug you” feels like love How alcoholism impacts the drinker’s brain—and why denial can be extreme How to assess your home environment: stress signals, kids’ behavior, and “waiting for them to come home” tension What self-preservation actually means: privacy, planning, and choosing the right support Why your divorce attorney is not your therapist—and why you need both C…

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