# We Studied 4,000+ Dates… Everything You Know About Attraction Is a Lie

Page: https://stenobird.com/podcast/growth-minds-with-sean-kim-349068/we-studied-4-000-dates-everything-you-know-about-attraction-is-a-lie
Text version: https://stenobird.com/podcast/growth-minds-with-sean-kim-349068/we-studied-4-000-dates-everything-you-know-about-attraction-is-a-lie.md
Podcast: [Growth Minds with Sean Kim](https://stenobird.com/podcast/growth-minds-with-sean-kim-349068)
Published: 2026-03-25T15:00:00+00:00
Episode link: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/growth-minds/episodes/We-Studied-4-000-Dates-Everything-You-Know-About-Attraction-Is-a-Lie-e3gv2cb
Audio file: https://traffic.megaphone.fm/APO9066621211.mp3
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JSON: https://stenobird.com/v1/public/podcasts/growth-minds-with-sean-kim-349068/episodes/we-studied-4-000-dates-everything-you-know-about-attraction-is-a-lie
Duration seconds: 4678

## Resource

UC Davis psychology professor and relationship scientist Paul Eastwick has spent two decades running studies that challenge everything we think we know about attraction — from speed dating experiments to 4,000 blind dates — and the findings will surprise you. In this episode, we break down why the traits you think you want in a partner don't actually predict who you'll be attracted to in real life, why dating apps may be making your love life worse, and the science behind what actually builds lasting chemistry and compatibility. If you're dating, in a relationship, or just want to understand how attraction really works, this conversation will change the way you think about it.In our conversation we discuss: (1:10) Why Dating Advice Gets Attraction Wrong (2:28) The Evolutionary Reason Humans Bond (7:08) What Speed Dating Reveals About Attraction (13:03) Why Dating Apps Distort Real Chemistry (18:27) How Culture Shapes Who We Want (25:49) Why Compatibility Can’t Be Predicted (31:45) What Actually Matters Long Term (42:24) Why Modern Dating Feels Like a Market (52:58) The 3-Date Rule for Real Connection (59:54) The Questions That Build Chemistry (1:10:10) Why Passion Fades in Relationships (1:15:50) Best Advice for Finding LoveLearn more about Paul Eastwick here: Website: https://pauleastwick.com/pauleastwick "Bonded By Evolution": https://a.co/d/06WWsVs1 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/pauleastwick?utm_source=ig_web_button_share_sheet&igsh=ZDNlZDc0MzIxNw==Listen to this episode Youtube: https://youtu.be/26y86mf2P4w📸 Connect on IG: https://instagram.com/growthminds.podcast

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