# 78. The Toddler in Your Head | Why Killing Your Ego Isn't the Answer

Page: https://stenobird.com/podcast/get-messy-with-maddie-7067574/78-the-toddler-in-your-head-why-killing-your-ego-isn-t-the-answer
Text version: https://stenobird.com/podcast/get-messy-with-maddie-7067574/78-the-toddler-in-your-head-why-killing-your-ego-isn-t-the-answer.md
Podcast: [Get Messy with Maddie](https://stenobird.com/podcast/get-messy-with-maddie-7067574)
Published: 2026-08-10T10:00:00+00:00
Episode link: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/getmessywithmaddie/episodes/78--The-Toddler-in-Your-Head--Why-Killing-Your-Ego-Isnt-the-Answer-e3n62u2
Audio file: https://anchor.fm/s/f2e24c24/podcast/play/123980162/https%3A%2F%2Fd3ctxlq1ktw2nl.cloudfront.net%2Fstaging%2F2026-7-9%2F429509645-44100-2-c0a465412485b.mp3
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Duration seconds: 322

## Resource

What if your ego isn't the villain you've been told it is? In this mini episode, I'm offering a reframe I got from my friend Sasha Feldman (actor-turned-therapist and a past Get Messy guest): the ego isn't something to defeat, it's more like a toddler — scared, overwhelmed, and desperately needing someone to hold it together, not shame it into submission. I get into what it actually looks like when the "toddler" shows up — that defensive, reactive flare when something feels threatening or small — and why the goal isn't to eliminate that reaction, but to bring in "the adult": the part of you that can witness the reaction without being consumed by it. I also connect this to the window of tolerance, a concept from my grad school work, and why creatives specifically are constantly in situations designed to trigger the ego. This one's a short but powerful reframe for anyone who's been trying to "kill" their ego instead of learning how to hold it. In This Episode: Why the ego isn't the enemy — it's more like a scared toddler Where this reframe came from: a conversation with Sasha Feldman What it looks like when the "toddler" flares up (and how to notice it) The role of "the adult" — holding the reaction instead of being run by it The window of tolerance, and why the toddler blows you right out of it Why creatives are constantly in ego-triggering situations Hold the toddler, let the adult lead RESOURCES: Get Messy episode with Sasha Feldman ✨Connect with Maddie✨ Explore Maddie’s Website | @messywithmaddie

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