# 284. Decentering Men When You're Already Partnered ft. Sam Showalter

Page: https://stenobird.com/podcast/finding-mr-height-the-podcast-3584663/284-decentering-men-when-you-re-already-partnered-ft-sam-showalter
Text version: https://stenobird.com/podcast/finding-mr-height-the-podcast-3584663/284-decentering-men-when-you-re-already-partnered-ft-sam-showalter.md
Podcast: [Finding Mr. Height: The Podcast](https://stenobird.com/podcast/finding-mr-height-the-podcast-3584663)
Published: 2026-07-27T06:00:07+00:00
Episode link: https://findingmrheight.com/podcast
Audio file: https://mgln.ai/e/137/s.gum.fm/s-622f6d1f9b96ac24488cce98/audio4.redcircle.com/episodes/96e5dd1b-582c-4208-aa4d-3c70074c70e1/stream.mp3
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JSON: https://stenobird.com/v1/public/podcasts/finding-mr-height-the-podcast-3584663/episodes/284-decentering-men-when-you-re-already-partnered-ft-sam-showalter
Duration seconds: 4435

## Resource

Ali is joined by creator Sam Showalter, who went viral for a series about decentering her own husband. Eleven years into a relationship with her now-husband, she realized how much invisible mental load she was carrying that had nothing to do with him, from tracking whether he'd eaten lunch to rushing home from the gym by 6pm so she'd be available when he logged off… In January, she decided to stop cold turkey. She and Ali get into the concrete before-and-afters, the shame high-achieving women carry about doing this at all, the backlash she got from both men and women online, and what actually changed after six months: her anxiety plummeted, the resentment lifted. And as she backed off, her husband leaned in, leaving space for both of them to be full people. In Updates, it was a stressful week. Logan started peeing outside the litter box, which sent Ali & Skyline into a worried-cat-parent spiral and a round of vet tests. Good news, nothing medically wrong, just an angsty boy who takes after his mama. But it did bring up some memories of how her cats factored into past relationships and what she may be bringing forward from that. She also reflects on adult friendship after a dinner with two other couples, and the quiet pride of realizing she'd met every person at that table in the last two years. This week's Media Mention, alongside Sam's TikTok, is a Psychology Today piece by Dr. Michele Leno, "How to Decenter Men and Still Date," on dating from clarity instead of fear. Found here: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/mind-matters/202602/how-to-decenter-men-and-still-date Where to find Sam: On Instagram @ sammyshowalter , and on TikTok @thesam_show . Timestamps: Sam joins us at around minute 24. Ask questions, make a Storytime submission, or give feedback here: h…

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