# 281. Why Self-Sufficient Women Are Still Codependent ft. Esin Pinarli

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Text version: https://stenobird.com/podcast/finding-mr-height-the-podcast-3584663/281-why-self-sufficient-women-are-still-codependent-ft-esin-pinarli.md
Podcast: [Finding Mr. Height: The Podcast](https://stenobird.com/podcast/finding-mr-height-the-podcast-3584663)
Published: 2026-07-06T06:00:17+00:00
Episode link: https://findingmrheight.com/podcast
Audio file: https://mgln.ai/e/137/s.gum.fm/s-622f6d1f9b96ac24488cce98/audio4.redcircle.com/episodes/93954284-9a37-4773-b741-79f58b4155e3/stream.mp3
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JSON: https://stenobird.com/v1/public/podcasts/finding-mr-height-the-podcast-3584663/episodes/281-why-self-sufficient-women-are-still-codependent-ft-esin-pinarli
Duration seconds: 3757

## Resource

Esin Pinarli, a psychotherapist with 18 years of experience, joins Ali to talk about people-pleasing, attachment, and what she calls modern codependency. Esin breaks down the unspoken childhood contracts we sign without realizing it, and how codependency shows up today in high-achieving, self-sufficient women who would never picture themselves as the "lost yourself in a relationship" type. The conversation also includes a refresher on the four attachment styles and the wheel of attachment, the anxious-avoidant dance, deactivating strategies, and how you actually earn your security over time through small, repeated choices. In Updates, Ali survives a brutal New York heat wave and starts a new running list with Skyline: bars that have way better food than they deserve to have, kicking things off with Abe's Pagoda in Bushwick. This week's Media Mention is creator Sam Showalter (@thesam_show on TikTok), whose series on decentering her husband tied in perfectly to the conversation about modern codependency. Sam’s video Ali mentions Where to find Esin: On Instagram @esinpinarli_lcsw and at www.eternalwellnesscounseling.com . Timestamps: Esin joins us at around minute 17. Ask questions, make a Storytime submission, or give feedback here: https://tinyurl.com/fmhpodqs If you'd like to hear Ali’s personal updates before everyone else as well as exclusive episodes every week, ad-free listening, monthly lives, and more…join FMH on Patreon: www.patreon.com/findingmrheight . Thanks to this week’s partners: Bilt Rewards: Take advantage of your Neighborhood Benefits™ by going to joinbilt.com/fmh Losers Part 1 & 2: Check out Kensington Publishing: https://www.kensingtonbooks.com Our Sponsors: * Check out Kensington Publishing: https://www.kensingtonbooks.com Advertising Inquiries:…

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