# Why “Fixing” Your Partner Can Destroy Connection - with Derek | Ep. 198

Page: https://stenobird.com/podcast/doing-it-together-making-sense-of-low-libido-sex-and-intimacy-in-marriage-5614621/why-fixing-your-partner-can-destroy-connection-with-derek-ep-198
Text version: https://stenobird.com/podcast/doing-it-together-making-sense-of-low-libido-sex-and-intimacy-in-marriage-5614621/why-fixing-your-partner-can-destroy-connection-with-derek-ep-198.md
Podcast: [Doing It Together: Making Sense of Low Libido, Sex, and Intimacy in Marriage.](https://stenobird.com/podcast/doing-it-together-making-sense-of-low-libido-sex-and-intimacy-in-marriage-5614621)
Published: 2026-06-24T14:12:38+00:00
Episode link: https://podcasts.helloaudio.fm/download/UqXyMlH7jf/bc76abae-199a-409a-b8c9-baeb89b1c955.mp3
Audio file: https://podcasts.helloaudio.fm/download/UqXyMlH7jf/bc76abae-199a-409a-b8c9-baeb89b1c955.mp3
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Duration seconds: 3951

## Resource

What happens when loving someone means letting go of the need to fix them? Derek shares his journey of realizing that his attempts to rescue and support his wife were unintentionally creating distance between them. After years of trying to pull her out of pain and show her how wonderful life could be, he discovered that what she needed most wasn't someone to turn on the light—it was someone willing to sit with her in the darkness. Together, Janna and Derek explore the difference between compassion and rescuing, how shame and discomfort can impact intimacy, and why seeing your partner as "broken" can prevent true connection. Sign up for Janna's free class , " The Truth About Women's Libido: Why Everything You've Tried Hasn't Worked and What To Do Instead." Watch the class as a couple or on your own. Classes happen on Sept. 21 and 22. Ready to learn as a couple? Registration is open for Janna's coaching program for couples, Doing It Together . Next round runs Oct./Nov. 2026. Deadline to register is Sept. 29. Looking for where to start? Get Janna's Intro Videos for men and women. Ready to learn on your own? Janna's Wanting It More Foundations self-paced course for women is always open for registration.

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## Transcript

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