# You Got Out. Your Kids Didn't. How to Survive the Guilt of Co-Parenting After Divorce

Page: https://stenobird.com/podcast/divorce-happens-6931880/you-got-out-your-kids-didn-t-how-to-survive-the-guilt-of-co-parenting-after-divorce
Text version: https://stenobird.com/podcast/divorce-happens-6931880/you-got-out-your-kids-didn-t-how-to-survive-the-guilt-of-co-parenting-after-divorce.md
Podcast: [Divorce Happens](https://stenobird.com/podcast/divorce-happens-6931880)
Published: 2026-07-20T17:10:00+00:00
Episode link: https://www.freshstartsregistry.com/divorce-happens
Audio file: https://episodes.captivate.fm/episode/66cac736-10ce-4c63-b38a-3ca51565f9f9.mp3
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JSON: https://stenobird.com/v1/public/podcasts/divorce-happens-6931880/episodes/you-got-out-your-kids-didn-t-how-to-survive-the-guilt-of-co-parenting-after-divorce
Duration seconds: 1315

## Resource

You did the hardest thing you've ever done — you left. And somehow, that's not where the guilt ends; for so many divorced moms, it's where a whole new kind of guilt begins. If you've ever lain awake wondering how you can call yourself a good mother when your kids are still living, at least part-time, inside the very dynamic you found the strength to walk away from, this episode of Divorce Happens is for you. Olivia sits down with Lyerly Spongberg, a Certified ADR Divorce Coach, Pre-Mediation Coach, and Co-Parenting Specialist and founder of Step Up With Lyerly, for an honest, nuanced conversation about one of the most under-discussed emotional realities of co-parenting after divorce: the guilt of getting out when your children didn't. Spongberg brings more than professional training to this conversation — she brings twenty-plus years of lived experience, having divorced in her thirties and later rebuilt a blended family of six children as a stepmother to four. That dual perspective, expert and survivor, shapes everything she offers here, starting with a distinction she says changes the way divorced parents talk to themselves: guilt is “I did something bad,” while shame is “I am bad.” Divorce guilt and co-parenting shame, she explains, are not the same weight to carry, and untangling them is often the first real step toward healing. From there, the conversation moves into concrete territory — how to steady yourself and your children during the disorienting transition between homes, why building a small ritual (even something as simple as always baking cookies when the kids come home) can anchor a child through change, and why resisting the urge to defend yourself against a co-parent's bad-mouthing is, paradoxically, one of the most powerful things you can do for your cr…

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## Transcript

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