# Hey Olivia, how do I prepare for mediation with an ex who fights me on everything?

Page: https://stenobird.com/podcast/divorce-happens-6931880/hey-olivia-how-do-i-prepare-for-mediation-with-an-ex-who-fights-me-on-everything
Text version: https://stenobird.com/podcast/divorce-happens-6931880/hey-olivia-how-do-i-prepare-for-mediation-with-an-ex-who-fights-me-on-everything.md
Podcast: [Divorce Happens](https://stenobird.com/podcast/divorce-happens-6931880)
Published: 2026-08-11T14:35:00+00:00
Episode link: https://www.freshstartsregistry.com/divorce-happens
Audio file: https://episodes.captivate.fm/episode/5f4a1dfe-f053-421d-83b8-9c2ed8994b03.mp3
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JSON: https://stenobird.com/v1/public/podcasts/divorce-happens-6931880/episodes/hey-olivia-how-do-i-prepare-for-mediation-with-an-ex-who-fights-me-on-everything
Duration seconds: 405

## Resource

Mediation is hard enough when both people are negotiating in good faith. It's a different animal entirely when you're walking into the room across from someone who seems to oppose almost everything on principle. In this week's Hey Olivia letter episode of Divorce Happens, host Olivia Howell answers a listener with mediation just weeks away — a mother who has held down the marital home with her kids under temporary orders for over a year, now facing an ex pushing to sell the house their children have called home since kindergarten. It's the kind of letter that will feel instantly familiar to anyone who has sat across a mediation table from someone who fights you more out of principle than out of any specific, negotiable position. Olivia's central reframe is the heart of this episode, and it's one that changes the entire way you walk into a high-conflict mediation: you're not there to persuade your ex of anything. You're there to build a proposal that looks obviously reasonable to a mediator, whether or not he ever agrees to it out loud. From there, she gets specific — teaching listeners to separate a person's stated position from the actual interest underneath it, whether that's money, control, or the fear of feeling like he “lost.” She also offers concrete mechanisms for the marital-home fight so many divorcing parents face, like a buyout tied to a refinance or a deferred sale linked to a school milestone, so a flat “I want to stay” becomes something a mediator can actually work with. What makes this episode land is how honestly Olivia prepares listeners for the emotional terrain of mediating with a provoking, oppositional ex — and gives them a way through it that doesn't require winning the argument in the room. She walks through knowing your floor before you ever sit…

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