# Hey Olivia, How Do I Know If It Was Emotional Abuse or Just a Bad Sense of Humor?

Page: https://stenobird.com/podcast/divorce-happens-6931880/hey-olivia-how-do-i-know-if-it-was-emotional-abuse-or-just-a-bad-sense-of-humor
Text version: https://stenobird.com/podcast/divorce-happens-6931880/hey-olivia-how-do-i-know-if-it-was-emotional-abuse-or-just-a-bad-sense-of-humor.md
Podcast: [Divorce Happens](https://stenobird.com/podcast/divorce-happens-6931880)
Published: 2026-07-06T15:05:00+00:00
Episode link: https://www.freshstartsregistry.com/divorce-happens
Audio file: https://episodes.captivate.fm/episode/ca325837-188b-406b-ad83-abc2a3dacfeb.mp3
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JSON: https://stenobird.com/v1/public/podcasts/divorce-happens-6931880/episodes/hey-olivia-how-do-i-know-if-it-was-emotional-abuse-or-just-a-bad-sense-of-humor
Duration seconds: 409

## Resource

There's a sentence I hear from listeners more than almost any other, and it usually starts the same way: “I don't know if this even counts as a big deal.” In this solo episode of Divorce Happens, I read one of those letters on air — from a listener whose ex spent years making jokes about her weight, her job, the way she loaded the dishwasher, then dismissed every objection with the same four words: “I'm just kidding, why are you so sensitive?” If you've heard that line aimed at you, or caught yourself saying it to someone else, this episode is for you. What follows is a close look at contempt — the eye-rolling, mocking, condescending pattern that relationship researchers consistently identify as one of the strongest predictors of divorce, stronger than how often a couple argues or even what they argue about. I walk through what separates ordinary marital friction from a genuine pattern of emotional abuse hiding behind humor, why “just kidding” so often functions as a way to make you responsible for someone else's cruelty, and why the slow accumulation of these moments can quietly erode a person's trust in their own perception long before it ends a marriage. This episode is ultimately about permission — permission to trust that what hurt actually hurt, without building a legal case or winning an argument about whether it “counts.” For anyone in the middle of divorce recovery or just starting over after divorce, I offer a concrete mindset shift: the absence of contempt is something you'll feel in your body before you can name it, and that quiet, punchline-free peace is not nothing — it's what respect actually feels like. I also share one simple thing to watch for while dating again: how someone talks about people who aren't in the room. 🔗 Check out Fresh Starts Registry:…

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