# What's More Important Than Being Chosen: What We Learned The Hard Way (So You Don't Have To)

Page: https://stenobird.com/podcast/dateable-your-insider-s-look-into-modern-dating-and-relationships-1055044/what-s-more-important-than-being-chosen-what-we-learned-the-hard-way-so-you-don-t-have-to
Text version: https://stenobird.com/podcast/dateable-your-insider-s-look-into-modern-dating-and-relationships-1055044/what-s-more-important-than-being-chosen-what-we-learned-the-hard-way-so-you-don-t-have-to.md
Podcast: [Dateable: Your insider's look into modern dating and relationships](https://stenobird.com/podcast/dateable-your-insider-s-look-into-modern-dating-and-relationships-1055044)
Published: 2026-04-24T12:00:23+00:00
Episode link: http://www.dateablepodcast.com/
Audio file: https://pdst.fm/e/pscrb.fm/rss/p/s.gum.fm/s-62d5f25cbff646095d5ab542/audio2.redcircle.com/episodes/f52ac9d9-982e-4317-808c-fa20f6bce70f/stream.mp3
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JSON: https://stenobird.com/v1/public/podcasts/dateable-your-insider-s-look-into-modern-dating-and-relationships-1055044/episodes/what-s-more-important-than-being-chosen-what-we-learned-the-hard-way-so-you-don-t-have-to
Duration seconds: 1226

## Resource

Why do we place so much weight on being chosen and what does it actually get us? In this episode, we dig into how we’ve confused attention with real investment and chased validation instead of asking whether we felt genuinely valued. We reflect on the subtle ways performative dating shows up and how societal pressure keeps us focused on being picked and why the relationships worth having are built more so much more than simply being chosen. Enjoy! - Take the Dating Archetypes quiz now: https://howtobedateable.com/ Read our book: How To Be Dateable: The Essential Guide To Finding Your Person and Falling in Love: https://howtobedateable.com/ Try the Dateable AI Dating Coach: Get personalized advice trained on our years of podcast episodes, courses and frameworks: https://studio.com/dateable Follow us @dateablepodcast, @juliekrafchick and @nonplatonic. Check out our website for more content. Also listen to our other podcasts The Psychology of Relationships and Exit Interview available on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts. WE WROTE A BOOK! HOW TO BE DATEABLE (Simon & Schuster) is available now: https://howtobedateable.com/ Want to remove distractions from your dates? Download Brick and get 10% off at https://www.getbrick.app/DATEABLE Our Sponsors: * Avocado Green Mattress: Check out their mattress and furniture sale: https://avocadogreenmattress.com/DATEABLE * Get Rain of Shadows and Endings wherever books are sold or at Kensington Publishing https://www.kensingtonbooks.com * Quince: Get free shipping and 365 day returns at https://quince.com/dateable * Ruggable: Get 10% off your first order, sitewide, with promo code DATEABLE at https://ruggable.com Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/pr…

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