# "I Didn't Have A Self" | An Avoidant Wife Explains What Broke

Page: https://stenobird.com/podcast/dad-starting-over-1383563/i-didn-t-have-a-self-an-avoidant-wife-explains-what-broke
Text version: https://stenobird.com/podcast/dad-starting-over-1383563/i-didn-t-have-a-self-an-avoidant-wife-explains-what-broke.md
Podcast: [Dad Starting Over](https://stenobird.com/podcast/dad-starting-over-1383563)
Published: 2026-08-24T11:00:00+00:00
Episode link: https://share.transistor.fm/s/3b0d1254
Audio file: https://p.podderapp.com/1545910633/media.transistor.fm/3b0d1254/034dff54.mp3
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JSON: https://stenobird.com/v1/public/podcasts/dad-starting-over-1383563/episodes/i-didn-t-have-a-self-an-avoidant-wife-explains-what-broke
Duration seconds: 2904

## Resource

Kate is the admittedly avoidant partner to Tyler Ely, the anxious partner I had on a previous live stream. Tyler read The Dead Bedroom Fix, backed off, and started working on his own security. It helped. We heard his side. This one is hers. Three years ago they sat in therapy and talked about ending it. Today she cancels plans so she can be around him. What she gets into: Why she stopped believing him even while he was doing everything right The two books they handed each other, and how both got taken as an insult Why the divorce conversation came four months AFTER they started working on the marriage The lie she told herself for fifteen years about why she couldn't have a life of her own The moment a therapist called her out in a room full of people Why "divorce stays on the table" is the rule that made them stop staying out of obligation If you're the anxious one in your house and you're in month three of doing the work with nothing to show for it, this is the conversation to sit through. 🔴 FREE: Fix Your Dead Bedroom (Instant PDF Download) https://go.helpformen.com/tl/545 🔴 FREE COURSE: The Dead Bedroom Fix Course https://deadbedroomfixcourse.com 🔴 NEW!: The Dead Bedroom Fix App https://studio.com/ralph/deadbedroomfix?c=gNiRtwcj 🔴 TAKE THE QUIZ: What's your REBUILD score? https://helpformen.com/insights/rebuild-score 🟢 JOIN THE BROTHERHOOD (Private Community for Men) https://helpformen.com/join

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## Transcript

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