# He Says I’m Controlling But I’m Not – What You Need To Know

Page: https://stenobird.com/podcast/betrayal-trauma-recovery-945822/he-says-i-m-controlling-but-i-m-not-what-you-need-to-know
Text version: https://stenobird.com/podcast/betrayal-trauma-recovery-945822/he-says-i-m-controlling-but-i-m-not-what-you-need-to-know.md
Podcast: [Betrayal Trauma Recovery](https://stenobird.com/podcast/betrayal-trauma-recovery-945822)
Published: 2026-04-21T11:00:00+00:00
Episode link: https://www.btr.org/he-says-im-controlling-but-im-not/
Audio file: https://media.blubrry.com/betrayal_trauma/media.blubrry.com/betrayal_trauma/ins.blubrry.com/betrayal_trauma/He_Says_I_m_Controlling_But_I_m_Not.mp3
Processing state: not_requested
JSON: https://stenobird.com/v1/public/podcasts/betrayal-trauma-recovery-945822/episodes/he-says-i-m-controlling-but-i-m-not-what-you-need-to-know
Duration seconds: 2567

## Resource

Have you thought to yourself, “he says I’m controlling but I’m not.” If so, he’s likely emotionally and psychologically abusive. Here are 3 things to know. There are 19 different types of emotional abuse. To see if he’s emotionally abusive, take our free emotional abuse quiz . 1. But What If I’m Actually Controlling? If a man is emotionally mean and wants to keep hurting someone, he might call her actions to feel safe “controlling” to trick her into stopping. This doesn’t mean you should stop looking for the truth or setting boundaries for your emotional safety. To learn about the most strategic ways to deal with his control, check out The Betrayal Trauma Recovery Living Free Workshop . https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-mfE5cABLp4 You’re not controlling if your desire is simply to keep yourself and your children safe and healthy. 2. Why Does He Say I’m Controlling? An abuser tricks people by lying to his victim and he says i’m controlling but i’m not. Is lying emotional abuse ? Yes. It works a lot, and others around him believe his lies. But it’s not controlling to state your opinion or ask another adult to do their share. Do you know what is controlling? Lying and manipulation. The truth is, his accusation is really an admission. He’s the one controlling the narrative through his deceitful communication. 3. His Friends and Family Say His Ex Was Crazy Controlling If a man tells you that his ex was controlling (and has manipulated his friends and family the same way), it’s likely he’s grooming you to not ask too many questions. He usually wants a woman to give him enough space to do secret things he knows are outside her boundaries, like pornography, soliciting pro…

## Actions

- request_transcript: `POST https://stenobird.com/v1/public/podcasts/betrayal-trauma-recovery-945822/episodes/he-says-i-m-controlling-but-i-m-not-what-you-need-to-know/transcription-requests` — Idempotently request low-priority transcript generation for this episode.
- read_markdown: `GET https://stenobird.com/podcast/betrayal-trauma-recovery-945822/he-says-i-m-controlling-but-i-m-not-what-you-need-to-know.md` — Read the agent-friendly Markdown representation of this episode resource.

A page view does not enqueue transcription. Agents should invoke `request_transcript` explicitly when they need this episode processed.

## Transcript

Full transcripts are not published on public pages unless there is a clear rights basis.