# 149. When Did Saying No Start to Feel Like Betrayal?

Page: https://stenobird.com/podcast/below-the-circle-6619723/149-when-did-saying-no-start-to-feel-like-betrayal
Text version: https://stenobird.com/podcast/below-the-circle-6619723/149-when-did-saying-no-start-to-feel-like-betrayal.md
Podcast: [Below The Circle with Dr. Phyllis](https://stenobird.com/podcast/below-the-circle-6619723)
Published: 2026-07-22T12:00:00+00:00
Episode link: https://drphyllishayesreams.com
Audio file: https://episodes.captivate.fm/episode/784ffc39-2e8f-4482-9fd1-9fa52d30efeb.mp3
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JSON: https://stenobird.com/v1/public/podcasts/below-the-circle-6619723/episodes/149-when-did-saying-no-start-to-feel-like-betrayal
Duration seconds: 1563

## Resource

You said yes because you care. So why are you left feeling tired, frustrated, and far from yourself? In this episode, Dr. Phyllis names the “reactive yes,” the answer that leaves your mouth before you have made a real decision. For many big-hearted women, love has become linked to availability, and worth has become linked to usefulness. But every automatic yes can pull you further from your center, build resentment, and even keep the people you love from developing their own strength. Caring is not the problem. The goal is to pause long enough to choose whether your yes is truly yours to give. This week’s reflection: Before answering a request, take one breath and ask: “Am I choosing this, or am I reacting?” In this episode: (0:00) Saying yes before checking in with yourself (3:24) Why an automatic yes is not a character flaw (4:57) Understanding the reactive yes (7:15) How repeated yeses create resentment (8:30) When helping can limit another person’s growth (11:06) The difference between choosing and reacting (12:41) What makes a chosen yes meaningful (14:48) Fear, faith, and letting your yes mean yes (19:31) The one-breath practice for better decisions (23:36) Giving from wholeness instead of fear Your next step is already waiting: a guide called What’s Yours to Carry — and What Isn’t , made to walk you through your own plate and help you start sorting this is mine from this was never mine. Go get it at thebelowthecircle.com . Nothing has been wasted. It’s not too late to land — whole, aligned, free. ——— Get your guide → thebelowthecircle.com Below the Circle with Dr. Phyllis · Stop circling. Start landing. 🕊️ Scripture: Matthew 5:37

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## Transcript

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