# The Self-Abandonment Loop: Shame, Self-Criticism, and How to Break Free

Page: https://stenobird.com/podcast/being-well-with-forrest-hanson-and-dr-rick-hanson-218807/the-self-abandonment-loop-shame-self-criticism-and-how-to-break-free
Text version: https://stenobird.com/podcast/being-well-with-forrest-hanson-and-dr-rick-hanson-218807/the-self-abandonment-loop-shame-self-criticism-and-how-to-break-free.md
Podcast: [Being Well with Forrest Hanson and Dr. Rick Hanson](https://stenobird.com/podcast/being-well-with-forrest-hanson-and-dr-rick-hanson-218807)
Published: 2026-03-23T08:00:00+00:00
Episode link: https://www.podtrac.com/pts/redirect.mp3/pdst.fm/e/pscrb.fm/rss/p/mgln.ai/e/211/traffic.megaphone.fm/BEING6048189438.mp3?updated=1773895662
Audio file: https://www.podtrac.com/pts/redirect.mp3/pdst.fm/e/pscrb.fm/rss/p/mgln.ai/e/211/traffic.megaphone.fm/BEING6048189438.mp3?updated=1773895662
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JSON: https://stenobird.com/v1/public/podcasts/being-well-with-forrest-hanson-and-dr-rick-hanson-218807/episodes/the-self-abandonment-loop-shame-self-criticism-and-how-to-break-free
Duration seconds: 4809

## Resource

Why is it so hard for us to do what we actually want to do? In this episode, Forrest explains the hidden structure of self-abandonment: how shame drives the loop, how the loop produces more shame, and how the inner critic uses a “can’t win” situation to keep us stuck. Then he and Dr. Rick explore what actually breaks the cycle, including the role of anger, the difference between shame and grief, self-compassion, and what it really means to get on your own side. Key Topics: 0:00: Intro and overview of self-abandonment 4:38: What are we abandoning? 8:30: The self-abandonment loop 21:55: How a parts model can help us understand the shame 26:20: The double-bind of self-criticism 32:56: How to get out of the double-bind 41:34: Anger and resentment 49:47: Moving from shame to grief 56:15: Breaking the self-abandonment loop 1:10:22: Recap Support the Podcast: We're on Patreon! If you'd like to support the podcast, follow this link. Sponsors Go to Zocdoc.com/BEING to find and instantly book a top-rated doctor today.Level up your bedding with Quince. Go to Quince.com/BEINGWELL for free shipping on your order and three hundred and sixty-five -day returns. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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